How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ask Eleanor Your Own Question

Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
57558633
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Ask Eleanor is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im a 57 year old ultra-sensitive man. Im really angry over

Resolved Question:

I'm a 57 year old ultra-sensitive man. I'm really angry over my failed relationships and HOW BADLY WOMEN HAVE TREATED ME! I used to have the utmost respect for them, but no longer. Due to my sensitivity, my perception of them is that they are emotionally chaotic, manipulative, and non-compassionate when it comes to my feelings. I'm seeking help which won't come for another month as the professional I'm seeing won't be available for another six weeks. What do I do in the mean time? I have to work and I am having trouble keeping a lid on my anger. The hurt is deep. My mother died when I was fifteen and I have an "evil step-mother". She is Austrian and was born in 1940 and I KNOW SHE HAS PTSD as I know what the syptoms are as I have it also. A lot of my anger comes from the death of my mother, an insensitive step-mother and being the only person of color i.e non-white in my high school graduating class. Got any answers for me?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 3 years ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am very sorry to hear that you are so angry. Did your step-mother abuse you?

Customer:

Yes, but I don't think she knew she was doing it. When ever I had a problem she always turned the issue into a "whose fault is that" session. For example I have crohn's disease and for years I was in the throws of prednisone addiction and flare-ups. A girl friend of mine got pregnant and had an abortion. I couldn't stop her as it wasn't my body and I was very ill at the time. When I told my step-mother, she turned it around and made it about her and how offended she was that I even brought it up! I NEEDED SOLACE!! THAT WAS MY CHILD!! But I got none from her. My mother.. I can't even guess as to what she would have said, but it wouldn't have been that.

Ask Eleanor :

I am so very sorry. You step-mother sounds like a narcissist. Is she still living?

Ask Eleanor :

Are you still there?

Customer:

Yes and still married to my father. I have two younger sisters also who were raised by her but we don't see her anymore. When the family gets together it's just my father and the three of us. She pissed off my sisters also and she was more their mother than our mother was as they were three and on when she died.

Ask Eleanor :

What do you remember about your mother?

Customer:

She was very beautiful, intelligent, kind, but she suffered from depression and she would now be diagnosed as bi-polar. In fact I noticed something was up with her eight years before she died and my father, when I asked him recently, said he hadn't noticed any change in her behavior which I found a little odd, but that was over 40 years ago and he is 82 now(still sharp though).

Ask Eleanor :

She sounds lovely. How did she die?

Customer:

She was in a mental institution, checked herself out, went back home to Baltimore on her own and started over. She fell one night and hit her head on the corner of a table in a bar(I think) but didn't go to the hospital. She had a fatal brain hemorage.

Ask Eleanor :

How tragic; I am so very sorry. Do you realize that you are letting the negative mothering of your step-mother overshadow the loving nurture of your mother? All women are not like your step-mother, many are like your late mother. You must know this, don't you?

Ask Eleanor :

Still there?

Ask Eleanor :

Have I lost you?

Customer:

Yes I do but I'm having trouble seeing it. You must understand something else. I'm so sensitive I can read others thoughts sometimes or let me put it this way, I can feel others thoughts sometimes. It depends on the person. The last woman I was with did a real number on me. We were REALLY in tune at the beginning. I let my guard down completely and I could read her very easily especially during and after sex. In fact there was one women I made love to that after our one sexual encounter I knew what she was thinking whether I wanted to or not. It scared me a little at first but that's the way I'm wired. So now that I've finally accepted this gift I see what truly lies in each person's inner being. You're thinking " Oh brother, a nut ball." But it's true. I've had over fifty years of these experiences and no one to understand them. Not even my female partners. My younger sister does, however as she is the same way only properly adjusted to life as she just got married this past July. She is a lot like my mother. In fact both my sisters are.

Ask Eleanor :

No, I don't think you are a nut ball!! The gifts you are describing are those of intuition, being in tune with the unconscious; actually many psychotherapists have this gift. It usually occurs in children who have been emotionally abused.

Ask Eleanor :

What type of therapist are you scheduled to see?

Customer:

Wow!! I grew up with tough love but I never thought of it as abuse. Both of my parents are college grads in the forties! That was rare for blacks then. They were way ahead of their time. My mother's best friend was married to Haliegh Slassi's interpreter. I never met the Emperer but we did visit them several times when I was an only child. My siblings are 9 and 12 years younger than I am.

Ask Eleanor :

Intelligence has nothing to do with emotion. Extremely intelligent people are abusers.

Ask Eleanor :

What you described with your step-mother is most certainly emotional abuse.

Customer:

I see a psychologist weekly but I'm seeing someone who can prescribe a mood stabilizer in Nov. It's a Nurse-practitioner.

Customer:

Yes it is. I know that now.

Customer:

In fact the last woman I was with(in hind-sight) had many of the same characteristics.

Ask Eleanor :

Have you been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder?

Customer:

Mild bi-polar dis-order. But that doesn't seem to cover it right now.

Customer:

And she was ABUSED!! MY GOD THE STORIES SHE TOLD ME!!!

Ask Eleanor :

Okay, I am going to be very honest with you. You need to see a psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment (if necessary). No nurse practitioner should be prescribing psychotropic medications!

Ask Eleanor :

How long have you been seeing the psychologist?

Customer:

About three years off and on due to my life movements. I left the state where I started with her(yes I chose a woman) and came back so I could continue.

Ask Eleanor :

Good, the two of you must have a good therpeudic relationship and you must trust her with your feelings.

Customer:

She gave me the number of a psychiatrist but he wasn't taking any new patients. This is his nurse-practitioner so I think he will be consulted by the N.P.

Customer:

Yes we do. I trust her.

Ask Eleanor :

Oh, I see, then that will okay. And how long before your appt with your psychologist?

Customer:

I see her every Thurs.

Ask Eleanor :

So you will see her this coming Thursday?

Customer:

Yes.

Ask Eleanor :

Think you can hang on til then and not blow up at work?

Customer:

I sit in an office mostly by myself all day three days a week. I had to stop driving(cab 60 hrs. a week) as I melted down behind the wheel. I think so.

Ask Eleanor :

Try thinking of it this way. Everytime you get angry, you are giving power to your evil step-mother. Everytime you pause and think before getting angry and think of what your mother would want you to do in this particular situation, you will be giving power to her and honoring her memory. Think you can do this?

Customer:

I've tried it many times. It calms me some but that wound is deep. It's abandonment. Even if for her own survival that hurts. And I know it wasn't intentional. But for her to die and be replaced by "Bruhnhilda the witch" was even harder. I buried that a long time and I can't do it well anymore. I'm tired.

Ask Eleanor :

Well, you definitely need to get back into therapy with you psychologists. It's okay to be angry with your mother for abandoning you, but by working through this in therapy, you won't have to stay stuck in that anger. Any further questions for me tonight?

Customer:

I can still see my mother in her coffin like it was yesterday.

Ask Eleanor :

So you have PTSD from that trauma.

Customer:

I guess so. Now I'm crying.

Ask Eleanor :

Crying is actually a good thing, tears are very healing.

Customer:

I know but i didn't cry when i walked up to it. I just stood there.

Ask Eleanor :

That's because your were in shock.

Customer:

That's the first time I've cried over that image. Maybe that's good. I just buried that memory as best I could. A great-aunt pulled me away protesting as I went because I didn't want to leave my mother.

Ask Eleanor :

WOW!! Well you have just had a major psychological break through!

Customer:

I think you're the second person I've told that to.

Ask Eleanor :

Well, I am very moved and very honored.

Ask Eleanor :

Are you okay?

Customer:

So far you've been a great help. I've been having a bad couple of days, well weeks actually, in private when I can let my guard down. I have deep contemplations in the mornings and sometimes they end in tears.

Customer:

I will be.

Ask Eleanor :

I know you will be. Anything further for me?

Customer:

I've never asked for this much help before. I was taught to "suck-it-up". My father is very calm, but he is understanding in his scientific manor. He was a chemist.

Customer:

I think that you've done enough tonight and thank you.

Ask Eleanor :

So this was a huge step for you, wasn't it?

Customer:

Yes. I need to make more, but that will come will the "peeling of the onion". Ironically the last woman I was with despite her issues pointed me in this direction and used that phrase. Thank you and Good Night.

Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
Ask Eleanor and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education