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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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Hello I have been married for 18 years, as happy as any couple

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I have been married for 18 years, as happy as any couple can possibly be with all the stresses of a modern marriage. We have struggled economically but we own our home and can pay our bills. A couple of years ago I went back to school to get my Masters and have received financial aid to pay for it. I will graduate this upcoming summer and will be responsible for my loans six months after graduation, about 30K. My parents were not able to financially pay for my BA ( I worked and paid off students loans for that degree myself.) Last year my father passed away and left my mother with a substantial amount of money. My mother offered 30K to pay off my upcoming student loans. My husband had been working long hours at his work keeping away from our family. I asked him if he could use the money to open his own business (which was always a dream for him.) My mother said she would give him the money as long as he paid her back in monthly installments, so she could use it to pay the student loans. Since my graduation date was still 1 1/2 years away we though this would work. In the end our financial situation would improve with my husbands business and my student loans would be paid off.
My husband purchased the equipments he needed, used a room in our house to set it up and all was well. When the entire business was set up he decided he was not going to leave his job, never looked for accounts for his new business. Total lack of desire to go forth with what we had agreed. My husband starts his job at 3pm he has plenty of time to find new account and start his new business if he so desired. Yes it would be hard work at first but in a few months he could probably leave his night job and continue with his own business. He never gave it a try! Now we have a room filled with computerized equipment (brand new) and no one is using it. It is quickly depreciating in price and he sleeps late until he has to go to work.
I offered to sell all the equipment, cut our losses and use the money to pay off a portion of the student loans. He refuses to do that. He says he will one day. IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR. I know he will never do anything with the business or the machines. I have lost total respect for this man!
My parents made that money working very hard and it bothers me that he took it so casually and has no intention in repaying my mother.
I am not sure if I should just take t upon myself to sell the machines myself, against his will or just leave it alone. Either way I feel there is such resentment I am not sure I can stay married to him. I have two children and do not want to get divorced. How do I get over this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.

Dr.Kappler :

Thank you for choosing justanswer! You are right in that your husband has gone against a business agreement for more than a year and it is time to make a decision about his problem.

Dr.Kappler :

Yes it is his problem and he needs to come up with a solution. If that means selling the equipment, hiring someone who can help like a life coach or even have someone else willing to work with him he needs to decide.

Dr.Kappler :

You should set a time with him to discuss this and tell him he has a certain amount of time to decide what to do. You should not threaten to sell the hardware but say that there is a time frame and he needs to stick to it.

Dr.Kappler :

Let him know that you are prepared to divorce him if necessary if he cant take on the responsibility to make important decisions.that effect you and your mother. You get over this by telling him he needs to make some decisions in his life.

Dr.Kappler :

You are not going to allow him to squander the money your mother gave him. Not in an angry way but just as this was done in good faith and you support your mom in this.

Dr.Kappler :

I see that you are off line. I hope this answers your question to your satisfaction. If so, please remember to click on the green accept button so that I will receive credit for my response. You may return to this answer for reference at any time after you accept.


Thank you Dr. Kappler for your quick response. I have already given him a time limit and it expired this summer. Still no action from him. I never mentioned divorce before. That is my next step. You are right he has to make a decision or I will have to make mine.

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