How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Doctor Kevin Your Own Question

Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Doctor Kevin is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello I have been married for 18 years, as happy as any couple

Resolved Question:

Hello
I have been married for 18 years, as happy as any couple can possibly be with all the stresses of a modern marriage. We have struggled economically but we own our home and can pay our bills. A couple of years ago I went back to school to get my Masters and have received financial aid to pay for it. I will graduate this upcoming summer and will be responsible for my loans six months after graduation, about 30K. My parents were not able to financially pay for my BA ( I worked and paid off students loans for that degree myself.) Last year my father passed away and left my mother with a substantial amount of money. My mother offered 30K to pay off my upcoming student loans. My husband had been working long hours at his work keeping away from our family. I asked him if he could use the money to open his own business (which was always a dream for him.) My mother said she would give him the money as long as he paid her back in monthly installments, so she could use it to pay the student loans. Since my graduation date was still 1 1/2 years away we though this would work. In the end our financial situation would improve with my husbands business and my student loans would be paid off.
My husband purchased the equipments he needed, used a room in our house to set it up and all was well. When the entire business was set up he decided he was not going to leave his job, never looked for accounts for his new business. Total lack of desire to go forth with what we had agreed. My husband starts his job at 3pm he has plenty of time to find new account and start his new business if he so desired. Yes it would be hard work at first but in a few months he could probably leave his night job and continue with his own business. He never gave it a try! Now we have a room filled with computerized equipment (brand new) and no one is using it. It is quickly depreciating in price and he sleeps late until he has to go to work.
I offered to sell all the equipment, cut our losses and use the money to pay off a portion of the student loans. He refuses to do that. He says he will one day. IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR. I know he will never do anything with the business or the machines. I have lost total respect for this man!
My parents made that money working very hard and it bothers me that he took it so casually and has no intention in repaying my mother.
I am not sure if I should just take t upon myself to sell the machines myself, against his will or just leave it alone. Either way I feel there is such resentment I am not sure I can stay married to him. I have two children and do not want to get divorced. How do I get over this?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 2 years ago.

Dr.Kappler :

Thank you for choosing justanswer! You are right in that your husband has gone against a business agreement for more than a year and it is time to make a decision about his problem.

Dr.Kappler :

Yes it is his problem and he needs to come up with a solution. If that means selling the equipment, hiring someone who can help like a life coach or even have someone else willing to work with him he needs to decide.

Dr.Kappler :

You should set a time with him to discuss this and tell him he has a certain amount of time to decide what to do. You should not threaten to sell the hardware but say that there is a time frame and he needs to stick to it.

Dr.Kappler :

Let him know that you are prepared to divorce him if necessary if he cant take on the responsibility to make important decisions.that effect you and your mother. You get over this by telling him he needs to make some decisions in his life.

Dr.Kappler :

You are not going to allow him to squander the money your mother gave him. Not in an angry way but just as this was done in good faith and you support your mom in this.

Dr.Kappler :

I see that you are off line. I hope this answers your question to your satisfaction. If so, please remember to click on the green accept button so that I will receive credit for my response. You may return to this answer for reference at any time after you accept.

Customer:

Thank you Dr. Kappler for your quick response. I have already given him a time limit and it expired this summer. Still no action from him. I never mentioned divorce before. That is my next step. You are right he has to make a decision or I will have to make mine.

Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience: 25 years in private practice
Doctor Kevin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education