Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Anger is so hard to control. Sometimes it is due to chemical imbalances of seratonin, adrenaline and noradrenaline, Sometimes it is learned behavior from childhood. It can be treated through various types of psychotherapy and can respond to certain medications, often SSRIs.
The psychotherapies used restructures beiefs and thoughts in order to reduce anger, and include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Both of this methods help to reframe certain dysfunctional thoughts, assumptions, and evaluations. They can include what is called "stress
innoculation" in which they learn how to relax instead of getting angry. They learn to understand the progression of their anger and reframe their thoughts. Success rate is very high
I urge you to find a good therapist who specializes in anger managagement or in CBT or REBT therapy. Make sure that you feel empathy between you and the therapist and then go to the sessions until you learn to change your behavior.
Your wife will be more apt to give you a chance if you actively seek help.
Anger can't just be supressed. If you bottle it up it eventually explodes and this method does not work. You must change your thinking.
I recommend a book for you which you can find on amazon.com. It is NOT a substitute for therapy, but will give you a jumpstart on the process of healing. It is:The Anger Busting Workbook: Simple, Powerful Techniques for Managing Anger & Saving Relationships
by James Addison Baker
I hope that this information and encouragement can turn your life around, save your marriage and family, and give you a new, peaceful personality that doesn't fall back into this habitual cycle. You CAN be helped.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC