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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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When is it OK for my 9 year old daughter to see or talk to her father He shot himself 2

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When is it OK for my 9 year old daughter to see or talk to her father? He shot himself 2 months ago and tried to cut his risk last week. He still has a bullet in his brain and had been deemed severly mentally incapacitated according to the medical report. His family as well as him, thinks that if he sees her or talks to her that he wont be suicidal anymore. I have reservations about doing this and my daughter is adament for some reason that she does not want to talk to him on the phone. I want to do whats best for her. She does not know yet that he tried to commit suicide. She thinks he was in an accident.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer. Let me see if I can help here...

AgapeDoc :

I have read you post a couple of times and I think that I can help here.

AgapeDoc :

It is my intention to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you remember to click on the green accept button?

Customer:

Thank you

Customer:

ok

AgapeDoc :

First of all, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this most unfortunate situation. You are so right to have your daughters interests at the very forefront of your concerns....

AgapeDoc :

She is a minor and can't be expected to stand up for herself and she is certainly should not be expected to deal with all the "adult" issues that are going on.

AgapeDoc :

It is (and let me say this in no uncertain terms!) WRONG of anyone to expect that seeing her will "cure" his suicidal thoughts. That is NOT going to be supported by any mental health or medical professional! He must face what is leading him to be suicidal and he CAN NOT rely on her to address his issues - it won't help him and it may lead to a very unhealthy emotional situation for her.

AgapeDoc :

If she doesn't want to talk to him on the phone, I would not force her to. If she wants to see him in person, she must be prepared to deal with seeing him as well as what he has been through and what he might say. He must have an understanding of what is appropriate and what is out of bounds to discuss with her.

AgapeDoc :

Having said that, YOU must be the judge of whether or not she is emotionally ready to see him.

Customer:

Do you think his medical professional will plan in a way to help reintroduce them or is that something I need to do through her therapist. She does miss him.

AgapeDoc :

At some point, you will want her to know that it was not an accident. I strongly suggest that you enlist the assistance of a licensed mental health professional to deal with this. I'm sure the hospital has social workers on staff that can help with this.

AgapeDoc :

I suggest you work with her therapist on the reintroduction issue as you have mentioned.

Customer:

His family blames this on me and because I had filed for divorce, they have not given me a clear picure about how he is. His friend had to tell me about the last suicide attempt. All I know is heresay and the medical report that was generated for the guardianship petition

Customer:

She is having her second meeting with a therapist today

Customer:

I just dont want this to be the reason he tries to kill himself again but again...my primary concern is for her and I will do what is best no matter what

AgapeDoc :

Don't let anyone blame the actions of another on you! This is NOT your fault or your Daughters fault either. It's is most disturbing that they would blame this on you. It's not about placing blame - it's about healing and moving forward and protecting your daughter.

Customer:

It sounds like I am on a good path and that it is OK not to rush things

Customer:

thank you

AgapeDoc :

Don't fall into a trap of allowing his emotional state or threat of suicide control you. YES - don't rush things.

AgapeDoc :

It does sound like you are on a good path.

AgapeDoc :

I wish you the best. I hope I have been helpful.

AgapeDoc :

God bless

AgapeDoc :

If you are pleased with my efforts, please don't forget to click on the green accept button so I can get credit for my work.

Customer:

Thank you so much. I guess I just needed a little reassurance. I am trying to keep my anger and sadness..emotions in general out of this

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