How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Mina Your Own Question

Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
35302356
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Mina is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My 12 grand-daughter was molested by my husband for a little

Resolved Question:

My 12 grand-daughter was molested by my husband for a little over a year. I think he married me to get close to my grand-daughter - I can see now that he began grooming her even before we married. When caught, he killed himself. In his suicide notes, he swore he only had 2 victims during his life.....his step-daughter when he was around 30...and my grand-daughter when he was 60. I find this very hard to believe. What do you think about this assertion? He said he turned to Madison because of our marriage problems....just as he turned to Natalie 30 years ago when her Mom had a affair. I didn't have an affair, but threatened to because soon after our marriage, he stopped all physical contact with me. Could I have unknowingly triggered something that caused him to want a child?

My grand-daughter is so confused! She says she misses him...still loves him. She thought they were boyfriend and girl friend. She doesn't see that she was victimized. She is seeing a therapist, but I am not sure it is helping. Her therapist is male. Everyone says she should be seeing a female. What do you think the gender is important?

Thanks for any advise you can offer me. Sheila
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

I am really sorry to hear what you have been through. It must have been devastating for you when you found out what happened and then coping with your husband's suicide. There are no easy words to put this I am afraid, but your husband was a pedophile as hard as it sounds. It is possible that he only molested these two girls, we will never know with certainty, however people usually write on their suicide notes what they really feel and think, so it could be true. So it appears that in his mind, his excuse for being a pedophile was the marital problems he had with you and his ex wife. And I am saying "in his mind" because this is how it is. It is only in his mind. Pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder and someone has it when he/she shows any sexual interest in children or the act of child sexual abuse. Therefore, you had nothing to do with his illness. If an adult has problems in his relationship then this adult may engage in other affairs with another adult. For someone to engage in sex with a child, this is a disorder. I hope you understand this and you relieve yourself from any guilt.
Talking about your grand daughter, it may be best to see a female therapist as she may find it easier to open up. But since she is engaging with him, I would suggest that you or her carer discussed this with him first and see what he feels. It also depends on how he works with her and what psychotherapy model he uses. It is very understandable for her to feel that they were in a relationship and this is why sexual abuse can be something that may take years to resolve if that. It is also possible that she may feel that she betrayed you by having a "relationship" with him or even that she feels angry with you for "cautching" him ad putting a stop to this unhealthy relationship.
You need to be prepared for these feelings. However, it sounds that you are doing all you can and you are a great support to her. I hope things will evolve better for all of you and your life gets a sense of normality again soon.

All the best to you

Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience: Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
Mina and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education