Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Kathy, your feelings about your attack are very common to someone who has PTSD from such an event. There are strong feelings of guilt, shame and self blame. Depression and suicidal feelings are common as well. You are not alone in how you feel. But it is important that you not only realize that, but that you try to seek others who feel the same way. Connecting and sharing will help you.
I know this is hard. It is easier to stand in place and not move forward. Moving forward is painful, scary and hard. But standing in place allows your attacker to win. And allowing him to win is giving him all of your power, which he does not have a right to have.
Seeking help does not have to be an all at once deal. It can be slow, at your own pace. You can choose what you feel helps. I can only make suggestions. It is up to you to choose how you want to progress and what works. But treatment can help you restore your balance by challenging the distorted thoughts the PTSD causes. Slowly going through your symptoms and working to identify the ones that are harmful and replacing them with hope and self confidence.
Therapy, self help books and groups and support all help to conquer the feelings you have from the attack. All you need to do is choose. You have the support to start through your therapist. And I am here as well. We both want the best for you. But you have to decide how effective we are allowed to be.