Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I am always happy to talk with you. Talking about your problems is not complaining, it is expressing very deep, and very difficult emotional traumas that need attention. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It is a sign of strength to know when you feel in over your head and need assistance.
It may be that writing that letter reopened the trauma you experienced with being attacked. Reliving it, without having the tools to address it and feel safer, is basically going through it all over again. But this time, you are safe and it is something you can repeat to yourself as much as possible. And that is something we can work on together and you and your therapist can work on as well. Feeling safe and realizing that the attacks are in no way your fault. You survived and you will thrive.
You may be feeling overwhelmed by the feelings you have. That is ok. The next step is to reach out. Talking to others like me and your therapist and taking a risk to talk to other survivors with PTSD will go a long way to help you feel less alone. Have you tried a support group? You could join one online, allowing you to maintain your privacy but allowing you to get the support you need. What do you think?
Also, consider telling your therapist about your suicidal feelings. It is very important that she knows in case you begin to feel even worse. If you cannot tell her, find someone you trust to tell. At least one other person that can be with you if you feel worse and need immediate help. This is not worth losing you over. And one small step can make a world of difference and keep you with us. You are important.