Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
There is nothing wrong with you asking for help in dealing with your feelings. That is exactly what you should do.
It sounds like you are feeling neglected by your therapist. The most important thing to look at in this situation is whether or not you feel that you are neglected because you have a deep need you cannot get met by her, or that she is not meeting your basic needs as your therapist. You and I had talked before about whether or not you are looking to her to meet the needs you did not get met as a child. Do you feel that this is the case now in this situation?
From what you describe, it sounds like you feel you need your therapist to give you a heads up if she changes her schedule and cuts part or all of your session. Yes, emergencies are understandable. But if you feel you want things like her doctor's appointment to not interfere with your sessions, it is perfectly reasonable for you to talk to her about calling you earlier and rescheduling. Let her know that you prefer to have a full session and that you are more than happy to change your appointment if needed to get it.
The morphine issue does need attention. Although you are taking it for a good reason, it has become less about the reason you are taking it for and more about you avoiding life. It may also be interfering in your progress in therapy. So it has become a problem. You may want to think about working on the issue. Doing this all at once is too much. But a slow progression would make it easier. Tell your therapist you are ok talking about the morphine issue for a certain length of time in therapy but that you wish to have the rest of the time to work on other issues that you choose.
It's good that you are thinking through the cutting and trying to find better ways to express yourself. If you could not talk to your therapist, then finding another way of expressing yourself is important. Do any of the suggestions we talked about last time work? Journaling, blogging and all the other ways are good until you can talk to your therapist. It is also good to either use these outlets or work on finding other ones that you can use as a way of weaning yourself off therapy eventually. It is never too early to work on alternatives so when you feel ready to end therapy, the other alternatives will be in place.
I know it is hard to see, but you are doing very well. You are coping with difficult situations, working on not cutting and you are there for your daughter. Those are all important points in your progress. And you keep trying, which is the most important part of all.