Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It is good that your wife admitted her attraction to this other man. But she needs to do more. She has broken the trust in your marriage. Trust is the foundation of a marriage and if you cannot trust your wife, your marriage is probably not going to survive.
In order to regain your trust, your wife needs to start addressing her infidelity (even if she did not sleep with this man, emotional feelings for someone outside of marriage is infidelity). Your wife should start by being honest with you. You have a right to ask any question about the situation and have it answered. She brought another person into your relationship and you have a right to know what happened and how far this has gone.
Your wife should also start looking for a new job. It may not be easy in this economy, but just her effort shows you that she cares about your marriage.
She needs to stop all contact with this man. That means no phone calls, texting, Facebook or other contact.
Often, the person being cheated on is blamed for not providing something the cheater feels they needed. But the affair cannot be blamed on you. A wife or husband is allowed to feel upset by something their partner is doing, but having an affair is never the answer. It always makes things worse. Problems in a marriage need addressed between the couple themselves, not by bringing in outsiders.
You both need to see a counselor together. Therapy can help you find out why this occurred in your marriage and fix it. To find a counselor, either you or your wife can ask your doctors for referrals. If you attend church, you can talk to your pastor. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
You can also work on your marriage through self help. Here are some resources to help you:
Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman
Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli
Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria Harris
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
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If she is not willing to cooperate and do the things necessary to restore your marriage, then you need to decide if you can live with her choices. She should not be responding with annoyance when you talk to her about it. She should also have taken the job offer even if it is less money because your marriage is more important.
You really do not know it is true if she has cut off contact with this man because she is not acting in a way that lets you trust what she says. She is also not putting your marriage first.
She has made the situation unsolvable without her cooperation. You will not feel settled about this unless she agrees to repair your marriage. You are right, there is no way to force her. You may want to consider a separation to give her time to think about what she wants. It will also give you time to seek counseling so you can decide what to do. You need support right now to help you come to terms with what your wife is doing.