Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you feel your marriage is based on you making your husband happy but that your needs are not being addressed. Although this does happen in marriages, it usually makes one or both partners unhappy.
You are making a good effort to be there for your husband. You are helping him and trying to keep your sex life going. But I wonder about the effort he is making. If he is not reciprocating your feelings, then you are going to be left feeling alone and not cared about.
You mentioned your husband is moody. Has he always been this way or is this new since he lost his job? Either way, you can suggest to him that he visit his doctor for an exam to be sure there is nothing wrong. If he is healthy, then counseling would help him figure out why he feels so moody and what he can do about it. If he will not go, explain to your husband that his mood is affecting you and the marriage and that you need him to address this problem.
To find a therapist, your husband can talk with his doctor. Or he can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
You may also want to see the therapist together. A therapist can help you both come together and figure out how you can make each other a priority. You are already working on this with your husband, but he needs to learn to do the same for you.
When you talk to your husband, suggest that the two of you work out a compromise about responsibilities. For example, you want to move because that is what you are used to. But your husband has a son that he does not want to leave. A compromise would be to find a new home, but within a certain radius, such as 20 or 30 miles. He gives a little, and you get what you need. Then talk about making changes once your husband's son is of age. That will help you feel less trapped.
Also, when you talk with your husband, give him a list of your needs. Tell him that you are feeling the need to have him pay more attention to you and that you would like to work on this together. Use a gentle and understanding tone with him, but also stress the importance of your needs being met. Resist pointing out that you do for him now it's his turn to do for you. But do stress that you love him and want to spend more time with him. You want to know how he feels about you and you would like to see that expressed in what he does.
Learn more about communication and compromise. The more you know, the easier it will be to address this problem. Here are some resources:
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this has helped you,Kate