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Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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I work with a very manipulative person and she has now got

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I work with a very manipulative person and she has now got me to the point where I want to leave the company. However I was there first and I have an ongoing appointment with the company, she has a year contract with a review at 6 months (this is about two months away). I havent left yet because I dont want to hand to her what I have worked years to achieve. How do I deal with her so that she leaves instead?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.
Hello

I am sorry to hear that you are having these difficulties in your office. I can imagine that it must be very hard to go to work everyday if you feel like this. You stated that she is manipulative and I am wondering how she does that and how this is affecting you. How does that make you feel?

Obviously it can be hard to work alongside certain people sometimes but you also need to understand that how we feel about someone is under our control and not the other person's. Their behavior can elicit certain feelings from us but at the end of the day how we are going to think and feel about it, is under our control. So it would be important to analyse her actions (the manipulative ones) and see why and how these are affecting you, how these are making you think and feel about yourself, how these relate to yourself. What is she doing that makes you want to leave your job?Does she make you feel insecure for example?if yes, then it is you that needs to understand why you are feling insecure and where this feeling comes from. It could have nothing to do with her. It is likely that she has found "your buttons" and you have certain feelings that can be easily triggered. So I would suggest that you explored this further and try to distinfuish if she making you feel bad because she is triggering some of your own feelings and thoughts about yourself or whether she is a threat to you e.g if she is sabotaging your work, if she is lying to your manager, if generally speaking, her actions are damaging your work. In that case, you would need to involve your superiors and since she is on a contract then it would be down to them to support you. If this is not however, a clear case like this, and it has to do about mostly how you feel about her then I would definitely suggest you tried and identify how she makes you feel and think of yourself, your fears and any other negative emotions that she triggers. When we do this, and we realise what exactly is happening with us and that specific relationship then it becomes a lot easier to handle it as we are more aware of our own feelings and we feel stronger.

Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts

Take care

Mina
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