Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your husband is at the very least emotionally abusive. Shutting you out and treating you like you don't matter is emotional abuse. Hitting you, on the other hand, is physical abuse. Throwing something at him wasn't wise, but it did not mean he should hit you. That was wrong on his part and shows that he is easily provoked. Not a good sign.
You do not have to accept your husband's behavior. He should be including you in his decisions at the very least. When a man and woman marry, they agree to put each other first. Your husband is not doing that. He is treating you like you do not matter.
The method in which you relate to each other may not be ideal. And he may have his own feelings about how you treat each other. But that does not excuse shutting you out or hitting you. He also can speak up and say he is not happy with the marriage and work on fixing it. But he is choosing instead to ignore it, and you.
Talk to him again about seeing a counselor. Tell him that your marriage is in trouble and that you want to find a way to fix it. If he still refuses to go, go without him. You need help and support to figure out how you want to handle this situation.
Also, learn what you can about emotional abuse. It will help you stop putting the blame on yourself for his behavior. Here are some resources to get you started:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this has helped you,Kate