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thank you for you response. I should tell you that I believe I know the reason I am feeling this performance anxiety. 15 years ago I found out my wife was having an affair with an older man and we nearly divorced. since then, though we've been reconciled for years, I still think about it and whether she's doing it again with another man. These thought invade my mind when we have sex because I want to satisfy her and prove I am a worthy man. I love her very much and do not want to lose her.
I know this is affecting my performance in bed and need to undersand teecniques how to rid my mind of these thoughts. How to relax and not think about negative things. Can you help??
I need to understand howfound out and confronted her but it still
Good evening and please accept my sincere apologies for the delay in my response as I've been ill for the last day or so with the flu. As for your response...I would agree that this is likely where your anxiety is stemming from and that you're experiencing what are called "intrusive" or "automatic" thoughts in which your mind reverts back to the affair that she had years ago.
I would like to make a few suggestions in addition to the workbook I gave you a link to above. Given the additional information you've provided it's actually more than just regular techniques to help you relax. It's more along the lines of managing the negative thoughts that are occurring. The first suggestion is a different workbook which is based on pure cognitive behavioral therapy which concentrates on working on the negative thoughts that you're having, identifying them, and managing their emotional and behavioral impact (i.e. your performance anxiety, etc) The workbook includes exercises that you can do in order to manage better the thoughts.
Here's a link to that workbook:
The other suggestion I would like to make is to consider seeing a therapist that is skilled in the same approach to help you process the feelings and emotions that you're having. There appears to be a lot of unresolved issues in relation to the affair that you still hold on to.
I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX this helps answer your question further and please feel free to ask any further question as I want to be certain your question is answered thoroughly and that you are satisfied with the answer. Again, thank you for the chance to help and I hope this finds you well.