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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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How can I best advise my 27 year old daughter who is devastatinglyheartbroken

Resolved Question:

How can I best advise my 27 year old daughter who is devastatinglyheartbroken over a 2yr. relationship breaking up.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

You are doing a great job helping your daughter. Being supportive is the best way to help someone go through a painful situation.

 

Your daughter has suffered a loss, a deeply painful one. Grieving is part of that process. It is helpful if she sees that her recovery will go through stages, just like any other loss. Here are the stages of grief:

 

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance

 

Some people go through all the stages in order, some go through only a few, and some can stay stuck in one stage. It all depends on support and how the person works through their loss.

 

Your daughter can help herself by doing what she is already doing- expressing her feelings. She can also learn as much as she can about loss and the stages of grief. Here are some resources to help her:

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

 

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott

 

Healing A Broken Heart: A Guided Journal Through the Four Seasons of Relationship Recovery by Sarah La Saulle and Sharon Kagan

 

You can find these books through Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

Let your daughter know that caring for herself and treating herself well will help. She may not feel like doing it, but even if she just goes through the motions it will make a difference.

 

She should also allow herself to feel any emotion that comes up. Maybe journal if she thinks it will help. Also, she can write a letter to her ex, not for sending but for herself. She can write out all of her feelings, no holding back. This will help her express all of her feelings and find an acceptable outlet.

 

If she finds that she cannot get over this loss within a year, she may need to talk to someone. She can try her local community mental health center for low cost/no cost therapy. If she cannot find the center, she can contact her local United Way which can refer her.

 

You are right, given time, this will pass. To your daughter, it feels like it never will. Losses are overwhelming and there is no easy way to deal with them but just to go through them. I hope she is feeling better soon.

 

Let me know if I can help any further,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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