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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5401
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello, today I feel a bit down because I have worked too hard

Customer Question

Hello, today I feel a bit down because I have worked too hard but going out on more than 3 times weekly to make me feeling better. I am in a relationship and we are a young couple. We had no sex for more than a year and we do get on but I feel that he does not want to have sex with me or maybe low sex drive? I did talk to him about it but did not get through to it. It is just like as if he is trying to avoid the issue and sometimes tells me not to do that against my wishes. I also am sick of doing the same thing every week eg same life routine and I work so hard to make money but at the same time staff being lazy letting me down to move the things along. I feel like in complicated process at the moment. Maybe I need a good holiday now and again? I just don't know. Tomorrow I will feel better as it is another day but doing what? I don't have many friends cos I lost touch with them for a long time because I feel that I am not being appreciated by them after being so good to them for years.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you have two issues going on here. One, is the relationship problem with your partner. The other one is feeling down about your life. Let's take them one at a time.

 

When men have a low sex drive, they tend to not want to talk about it. They feel that if they do not want sex all the time like society says they should, then they are defective. So the subject either becomes a conflict or the couple ignore it.

 

Couples often believe that sex will come naturally when they are together. But often, one person wants sex a lot less than the other. So it is an issue with compatibility. Also, men can have a low sex drive due to many outside factors. They include:

 

Medications- many medications, including blood pressure and anti depressants, have side effects of lowering libido.

 

Being tired- a difficult job or long days can exhaust some men to the point of just doing the basics when they get home.

 

Stress- worrying about work or other problems lowers the desire to have sex.

 

Hormones- lower testosterone can affect libido

 

Drugs and alcohol-

 

The best option is to sit down with your partner and talk about what each of you feels about this problem. Suggest a visit to the doctor to be sure there is not an underlying reason for his lack of sex drive. Also, suggest a therapist if you are both unable to work this out on your own.

 

It also sounds like you are feeling depressed. Most likely it is caused by your situation. Some people get overwhelmed by routine and crave some change in their lives. When you spend all of your time working hard and you do not balance it with relaxing and enjoying yourself, you can easily begin to feel depressed.

 

I think your idea for taking a break is a good one. Schedule some time away. Visit somewhere new. Just planning for a trip can sometimes help lift you up.

 

Spend some time thinking of things that you can do to change your life some. You still need to work, but what about when you are not at work? What things do you enjoy doing? List small adventures as well as big ones. Going on a trip is big. A cruise even bigger. A small thing would be going to a favorite restaurant or taking a drive somewhere you have never been. Think too of the hobbies you enjoy. Do you have time to join a group? That is a good way to make new friends. Do something new every week, at least.

 

Also consider doing something physical. It is a great way to work off stress and get the endorphines going in your system. You can join a gym, which is a great way to meet people, or take up tennis. Riding a bike is great and fun. Whatever you like.

 

If you start to show signs of deeper depression, such as trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, having no motivation, trouble with your appetite and lethargy, you may need to talk to a therapist. A therapist can help you find better ways to cope with how you feel.

 

I hope this has helped,
Kate

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5401
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you and that helps me alot. :-)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! Take care.

 

Kate

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