Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
No, it is not wrong for you to not go home anymore. Your childhood was horrific and your mother was part of the abuse. She is a reminder of what you suffered.
Your mother was supposed to protect you from the abuse you suffered. She not only did not listen to you, she made you leave, picking your abusive step father over her you, her own child. This is not the behavior of a mentally healthy individual.
By going back to your home as an adult, you are re traumatizing yourself. Your mother has given no indication that she intends on changing or even that she is sorry about how she abused you. She continues acting out and displays poor coping skills. She also continues to abuse you emotionally. She is not there for your needs and at this point only seems to be thinking of herself.
Adults abused as children often feel they are obligated to keep a relationship with their abusive parents after they leave home. But if the parents have not made amends or tried to repair the damage they have done, the child is exposed again and again to the same abusive behavior, which often becomes emotional in nature since the parent no longer has physical control over their children.
What helps is to realize that if you had been treated like this by a stranger, the perpetrator would have been arrested and jailed and no one would expect you to communicate with them or see them voluntarily again. You were victimized. Just because you are related to your mother does not mean you have to see her.
At this point, it is important that you start protecting yourself and caring for yourself. You have worked through the trauma of your childhood and came out healthy and successful. Re traumatizing yourself does not help you. Seeing your mother is a fruitless effort that only hurts you. You are allowed to choose to not see her. This will mean a loss but it it a purposeful loss. You may need time to mourn. Deciding to end contact with your mother will mean the loss of a chance for recovery. But the alternative is to keep in contact in hopes that she will see her actions for what they are and suddenly change. The effort is not worth the trauma it causes you.
Keep working on yourself and your feelings about this. There are several good resources to help you. Here are some to get you started:
Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused by Steven Farmer
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward and Craig Buck
An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal' by John C. Friel Ph.D. and Linda D. Friel M.A.
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
You may also want to consider support groups on line or in person to help you through this time. Here is a link to help:
With time, you will gain strength from your decision to move on. With the right support and learning what you can about abuse survivors, you will feel better.
I hope this has helped you,