I see. I am sorry to hear about that. it does sound complicated. The fact that you have not told your family and partner, do you think it has to do with the avoidant tendencies you have?possibly feeling scared of their reaction, what they will think of you?All these concerns would be very normal. What I am thinking however is that you describe yourself having symptoms of PTSD which is Post traumatic stress
disorder. This can happen to victims of abuse, rape, any sudden life threatening event. The fact that you avoid men, you avoid talking about it and you feel anxious and on alert as well as dissociate yourself, are all symptoms of PTSD. I wonder why the psychologist that brought this up in the surface did
not treat you for this or refer you for an assessment and treatment of PTSD?
CBT- Cognitive Behavioral therapy is a well known therapy model that works well with PTSD and it takes about 10-16 sessions during which the patient is guided to reconstruct certain thoughts and beliefs that emerged after the incident. It can also involve reliving exercises during which the patient talks about the incident being conscious but with the safety of being wit the therapist, is able to remember more and more about it and process the memories that are brought by this exercise.
I am not sure ho w you feel about this but this is a very effective model. It sounds like you were not adequately supported after your revelation and you are on your own which makes it a lot harder to overcome. I would definitely encourage you to look for a therapist in your area that specializes in PTSD so you can put this experience behind but after having processed it.
Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts.