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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5579
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Not sure how to put htis but will try..I have a great lady

Resolved Question:

Not sure how to put htis but will try..I have a great lady in my life i love with all my heart now...I find myself going out of my way to help others all the time...my ex to be just waiting on the courts to finalize the papers seems to still keep running to me for help in one way or another...she treated me like crap said I had mental issues..I am doing everything she said I couldn't do with out her..making it with out her check..cause i am disabled on my own raising my daughter 17..her and I have no kids together..which is a plus...my fiance says I am just showing I am a bigger person by helping her out...in alot of ways i hate her...for what she did to me and how she made me feel about myself...there will never be anything between us again....so why do I keep helping people who screw me over?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you may have been taught, maybe in childhood, that being kind to people who hurt you is ok. It is common for children abused or mistreated to develop a feeling that they must be there for others no matter how they are treated. Most likely, this is about a self esteem issue.

 

Whenever we expose ourselves to others who continually hurt us, it is a way of saying it is ok to make us feel bad. That usually means that we do not feel we have the right to stand up and say "I will not allow you to hurt me". It also goes back to not wanting anyone to think poorly of us, much like we think of ourselves.

 

The best way to address this problem is to work on improving your self esteem. One way is to work with a therapist. A therapist can help you pinpoint where your feelings came from and help you address your self esteem. To find a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

You can also work on this at home. There are numerous resources you can use to help you. Here are some to get you started:

 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

 

http://mentalhealth.about.com/od/selfhelp/a/seelefant.htm

 

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning

 

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi

 

Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame by Beverly Engel

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

Let me know if I can help any further,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5579
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.