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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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I am in a bad relationship with a lady that I have been with

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I am in a bad relationship with a lady that I have been with for 3 years . She has lied 2 me so much that I cant believe anything she says makes me question everything. She is always telling me that Iam not doing something in our relationship that is all conversation is about. It is always Iam not telling she pretty,love her,enough analasyes everything so she keeps on and on till we end up in a bad agruement she will beat on herself pull her hair till I get so mad at her that yell at her .this happens all the time Iam afraid to take her around friends.I have friends that avoid me because of this.I will try to break up and she will promise she will do better but always short lived. what sould I do I just cant live I like this
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer. Let's see what I can do...

AgapeDoc :

You did the right thing to contact someone about this. I know that you are in an "emotional hell" right now. I know that you are aware that it is awful, but until you remove yourself, you won't even realize the depth of how awful!!

AgapeDoc :

It is my goal to answer your question and exceed your expectations - if you are satisfied with my efforts, will you click on the green accept button?

AgapeDoc :

OK... I see you are off line. Let me go ahead and see if I can help you start to move forward with this...

Customer:

yes

AgapeDoc :

Let me assure you that there are many people in situations such as you find yourself in - you are not alone! That doesn't make it normal or acceptable by any means... but I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

AgapeDoc :

Additionally, you didn't do anything wrong or didn't do anything to get yourself in this situation.

AgapeDoc :

I can tell from what you posted, that you are dealing with a partner who is controlling and has many other issues. I suspect that she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. She won't really address any issue and constantly keeps everyone off balance, nervous, and on edge.

AgapeDoc :

How am I doing so far?

Customer:

You are hitting right on

AgapeDoc :

You are also right that you can not live like this - nor should you have to.

AgapeDoc :

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is (based on what you have posted) that you want out (of course). So, you must get out and I can tell you that there is no easy way to break this off taking the approach that you have been taking.

AgapeDoc :

This is the approach that normal people take - but it won't work (as you can see, it hasn't so far).

AgapeDoc :

So, I will give you the three things that I give other clients in this position.

AgapeDoc :

1. Get a copy of the book titled "Stop Walking on Eggshells" Reading this book will give you a deeper and keener understanding of what you have been dealing with.

Customer:

She is very attractive she knows how to win me over but she has to have so much attention no matter what it takes . when she pushes me so far that I go off then I fill like I am the one that is bad. I thought I wanted a relationship with her but everyone tells me that I need to end it.

AgapeDoc :

2. Get a therapist. Not because there is something wrong with you, but you want to have your therapist take on the role of a "personal coach" this will help you like a "cornerman in a boxing match coaches his boxer". The therapist will be able to explain her behaviors and "schemes" to manipulate you and can be an unbiased confidant that will be invaluable.

AgapeDoc :

You do need to end it and a therapist will help you understand why.

AgapeDoc :

3. The third thing is to tell her in no uncertain terms that your relationship is over - completely over. If she tries to manipulate you and keep you or say let's still be friends, that is her way to keep control.

AgapeDoc :

I have been doing this a while and I can tell you, your friends are right and you need to make a change.

AgapeDoc :

It won't be easy by any means. Obviously, you have tried already to take control back of your life, and it hasn't gone well. If you don't take measures, you will continue be in the same state you are in now. And I'm hearing that you are not happy with this.

AgapeDoc :

I hope I have been helpful - I wish we could see each other face to face, but you will do OK. You have already gone through tough times, you can weather a breakup... and then things will get better.

AgapeDoc :

If you have more questions please post them here. However, if you are satisfied, please don't forget to click on the green accept button.

Customer:

I can just be walking through a store with her If woman walks by she will say you know her she is always aqusing me off some one I have never offered to do anything behind her back her 20 yr old son tells me he dont know how i haved put up with this long He sayes she has always cheated on everyone she has been with. but she constantly telling me no. of times a day how much she loves me and misses me

AgapeDoc :

I don't know if you are getting my responses to your latest post, but it comes down to a decision YOU must make. Either stay in this relationship as it is (and evidently you are not happy) or take the courage to get out and get your life back.

AgapeDoc and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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