Thank you for the added information. It helps a lot. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
You want to be able to look back in 30 more years and know that you made the decision that made you "happy". Okay. So we've learned that the #1 value for you is feeling happy.
It's clear, then, from what you write that going with the exciting sexy guy is making you happy now. Staying with your husband and kids is not happiness now. So, then, it is also clear that if you are seeking being happy, you need to go back to the other guy.
The problems you are facing is that happiness is not a primary value. It changes. For example, creating a stable home for your kids is a primary value. It doesn't change. You either try to uphold that value or you let that value go. But it is a value that stays the same.
Happiness, however, changes. For example, you were happy with the exciting, sexy guy. But your husband convinced you that you would be happy with him. So happiness can change very easily.
But if your #1 value you want to look back at your life with is that you took the steps to be happy, you have NOTHING to go on other than the feeling at the moment you have. It might change, of course. But what else can you use to gauge being happy.
So, I don't know how long you will be happy with this exciting man, but as this is your goal and value in your life above the other values and goals in your life, then this is what you would need to do and, I guess, hope that happiness doesn't change on you between now and 30 years from now.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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