Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating and worrisome this situation must be for you. It is really amazing that with your history you were never diagnosed with ADHD as a kid (you're not that old so they were already diagnosing it when you were in school). And you seem to have rather severe symptoms even as an adult. So the frustration must be having to go through these feelings continually. The worry must be what the meds are going to do to you and the relationship with the doctor.
Psychiatry today is changing. It is becoming much more based on a high volume of patients. This puts a lot of time pressure on the doctors. So it is difficult to know if the one you have selected is of the type that conducts a rather cursory interview and then prescribes. Or if your doctor will be the type who is more patient and will give you more opportunity to discuss in depth your questions and your concerns.
Therefore, I recommend very much that you write down your questions grouped into areas of concern. And take a pad of paper with you to jot down notes. Many of the questions you've asked above you will need to discuss with him/her to get the definitive answer as he/she will be prescribing. Having your questions in writing will help you not get flustered if your doctor is one of the brusk and busy type of psychiatrists.
Now, the question of whether the meds will make you do what you want to do: no. There is no such medication. We are creatures that integrate into one whole unified being biochemical/physiological/emotional/cognitive/psychodynamic/spiritual parts. The psychotropic medications we have today barely account for the interaction of the biochemical/physiological parts of us. And they do that very generally, no specific to each of our unique characteristics. So what good are the meds?
They can give your brain function more ability to function in more "normal" ways. Whether one of the stimulants (ritalin and the newer ones) or a non-stimulant like Strattera would help in this more is going to be part of the psychiatrist's goals in the interview. And partly it will be a case of trial and error and adjustments.
So you will be going into his/her office and there will be an interview process. Again, depending on the doctor's style it will either be a more loose conversation or structured, with him/her asking questions from a checklist.
After he/she prescribes, you need to make sure you have asked how to tell if the intended effect is happening and what the timeline should be. And when to call if you are experiencing any other effects.
So that's the visit. Back to the meds, they can be very helpful in that they can help with the biochemical/physiological part. You then have to still work on gaining the skills you have a hard time with: organizational, non-impulsivity, anger management, spiritual fulfillment, etc.
These are YOUR individual work. And that you should do in psychotherapy with the psychologist. So make sure your psychologist is working with you on these issues. You can use my answer as a springboard if you like.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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