I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know how devastating this must feel tonight. I need you to allow yourself to feel completely hurt and in grief. Yes, it is totally unfair. I am so sorry this is happening.
I assumed it was going to happen. But I didn't want you to have to initiate it. So I gave suggestions in my previous answer for how to salvage it. But I could sense from what you had written about him that he had already moved on in his heart. I am so sorry. You did not realize this. You had already lived out that part of your life of having kids and he had not and you assumed that as a guy he would not need it. As I wrote originally, we don't know how important things will be to us in the future.
So you can let yourself ache and hurt. It's okay and it's necessary. There is real grief. But keep my answer somewhere you can access for the future, not too far in the future. When you're ready to take a breath and pick yourself up one more time. Because this is what it means to be mature. We pick ourselves up one more time and are grateful we have the opportunity to do so. Okay?
And when you do pick up my answer again because you're ready to move forward, we're going to address your life. Why do I say your life? Because you are not going to find Mr. Right by just looking for "a guy". You've got to treat finding Mr. Right as part of living YOUR life. You are clearly a woman with values. You are not looking simply for sexual gratification. You are looking for a human being who wants to share his life with you and who values who you are. I know tonight you can't believe that he is willing to do this. But he is NOT Mr. Right. We're going to work on finding Mr. Right.
That's why we're going to focus on goals, strategies, and plans. I want you to take a sheet of paper or on the computer if you prefer and on that paper write your Healthy Relationship Goals. Examples: make 3 close friends in the next 3 months; or go on dates with interesting men at least 2-4 times in the next 3 months, etc. So you see they don't need to even be goals for just relationships with men, but can be social relationships. Because the more social you are, the more you build your ability to express yourself socially instead of just career wise, the more you will feel comfortable expressing yourself to Mr. Right on a date. You need to feel comfortable sharing your inner self with other people on lots of different levels: acquaintances, friends, confidantes, and dates.
Next, I need you to take another sheet or underneath the goals in the same sheet write Strategies for my Healthy Relationship Goals. For each of the Goals, I want you to write strategies. For example, if your goal is to go out 4 times in 3 months, strategies might be: I want to identify the type of interests men you'd be interested in would have. Then I want to ask yourself where would they go to fulfill those interests. For example, if an interesting man needs to be someone who is into fitness, then he would be a member of a fitness club. If he needs to like art, then he would be a member of the Art Museum and go to gallery openings. If he needs to be spiritually oriented, then he might need to be attending church or a meditation class.
Then, you need to write on a separate piece of paper or underneath each Goal and Strategy: Plans for how to succeed with your strategies. So to continue the example above, you might write: my plan is to go to the 6 most popular fitness studios and check them out to see what their membership looks like and what kind of activities are there. Or for art, I plan to join the Art Museum and to go to an art opening at a gallery at least twice per month and maybe 3 times. Or if you are interested in religion, checking out 3 congregations for active ones that have social events.
These are examples of strategies and plans. I'm trying to focus you on your life interests. What do you want to do to further your having a meaningful life? Remember, Mr. Right needs to fit into what's meaningful to you, so look for him in activities that bring out what's meaningful in your life.
I wish you the very best!