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I had an affair that result on a baby born, the baby is 15

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I had an affair that result on a baby born, the baby is 15 months old and I just told my husdband what had happened, and that the baby is not his, he went crazy, for the past 3 weeks i feel like somthing die inside me , so much pain that I can oonly imagine what he is going trouhtg , he still want me, to want this relationship to work, but at the same time he is just killing me with questions and insults, I want to go for help, he dosnt, he want me to give my baby to one of my family members to raise her, he said he dont want to see her , but how can he still want to be with me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
He is very emotional right now. You have dealt him quite a blow. First find out what you both agree is going to be the major decision - are you staying together. If you are going to stay together then find a marriage counselor. This is a huge issue. If he doesn't want to go then he isn't ready to move on past this. If he doesn't want the relationship, then make plans to separate. You can't torture each other. And you certainly can't disown your child. The big concern is how he is going to treat this child if you stay together. You have a big decision to make regarding how he treats this child. In the end you are mom and you have to protect her/him. You have a choice whether he abuses her and you. Decide what you both want and proceed accordingly
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I just want to end this pain, I had been sufering just keeping the secret, and he dont believe me, w had been togehter for almos 9 years, where I had been bervally and emotionally abused, Controled, and on top of everything isolated, even from him , he never was there for me, he has another secret life, that I was not part of it, he never spent holidays or special ocations with me,we got merried on 2008, but he never act like he even was ingaged, I had to be a wife for him, my mother Died on Oct 2008 on friday, he just leave the house on saturday for the weekend to be with his Dougther wich was his only priority, My mother die in another country and I was not able to fly to say good bye to her, I went in to a Depressiong crisis, I wen for help, and he dindt want me to do that because he always told me that if I talk about my private life with anybody he considere that to be unloyal, the terapist faund out that my depression was there before my mom dies, that he was the reason of my problem and my mother's death was only the detonation of it, this all was end of 2008 starting 2009, I started going to church, and he was trying to stop me to do that also, At some piont I started spending weekends with one of my sisters , and going to church with her ,as he never was with me on weekend, and he was promising me that all was going to change, he was acting like he had changed, I meet the baby's dad at that moment of my life, we spent some time talking at the phone , we had got togehter tree times , before we got sexual, I was all over the place, I was felling bad for what I had done , but at the same time I was justifiying my actions, I went back with my husdband, and a couple week after I find out I was pregnant, I was almost sure it was my husband baby, as I only was only once with the other man, after the baby born , my nigthmare start, the baby did not look like my husband, and I wasnt sure if she look like the other mand , I dont remember all his faccions, after many times my usdban asking me if I was sure she was his baby, and all my no sleeping nites, stress, and pushing my husdband away of me , for no reason, I talked to him, and told him what happened, I think the best is get divorce , I love him but its not going to work, he had never trust me even when I was 100% dedicated to him, imagine now, he said he want to see form my side that I want this to work, he need to feel loved, the he want the person that I was before,loving and caring for him, how can I be, if he only keep using my wrong to put me down , and make me feel like I'am the worst trash on earth, I will never give my baby away, he nows how much I asked him to have a baby and he never want to, he is 45, and only have one girl 10 years old. I dont not what to do , I feel like Im going crazy, plus listening to him every time he want details of what happened is insaine.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like this relationship is abusive and toxic to your well being. Relationships like that don't change although marriage counseling is always an option. Anyone who is controlling most times remains controlling. Their need to control is greater than their need to be loving. You may find that he is resistant to any intervention and will not give up that control to a professional or anyone else. It is admirable that you are standing your ground. This shows that you are finding your strength and this will do you well. Keep focused on that strength and find the best option for you. The optimal choice would be to leave this relationship and find one that is supportive and loving but of course that is your decision. He is not going to change so you have to decide if you can live with this person. Most cannot

 

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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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