Your best solution is to attend marriage counseling. He obviously does not understand that his behavior is out of line. Sometimes people will behave inappropriately and now qualify this as hurtful and some people will be aware of their behavior but not know how to handle this any other way. An inpartial professional can help you as a couple resolve conflict differently. You can also look up the rules of fair fighting in the Mars and Venus series but he has to want to argue differently. Both of you have to learn them. This will lay out helpful boundaries for arguing including of course no yelling. If he won't acknowledge his own behavior then you are in need of a professional. To explore self help techniques he must be willing.
If this has been helpful press accept
This is not the answer I am looking for. If I wanted counseling, I would make an appointment. I can also pick up a book. I am not choosing that route. I am choosing to ask here. I am asking what I can do--what specific techniques do you have for me.
I think the ideas you listed are good and certainly worth trying--I have tried similar things like repeating what he said back to him. He has not been willing to try anything I have suggested. I suggested the idea of a talking stick--only the person holding the stick gets to talk, and then passes the stick for a response. He won't do it--he continues to interrupt me. In your response, you asked if I backed down--I know how to stand up for myself. I don't usually back down. I have tried backing down just to see if it ends the episode, but it doesn't. He continues to bully, even when he does get his way. I have tried walking away, I have tried calling the police, I have gone to counseling with him (he refuses to continue), I am so very tired of standing strong. We will have an "episode" about once a month. Somehow, we get through it. He quickly forgets about like it never happened. In the past, I have either felt hurt and sad, stomping mad, or ready to divorce him. Hurt and angry doesn't go away quickly for me and really does me no good. So now, when we have an episode, I pull myself out of it emotionally. I just state my points and feelings, tell him what I am going to do (not threatening), and follow through. I feel numbed by the experience, but at least I don't feel hurt, sad, and angry. This he really dislikes; he says I have a bad attitude and he doesn't like it when I act like that. I really don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce--we enjoy each others company most of the time. Please respond back..I will accept your answer.
Please let me know if what I am doing is healthy or harmful.
Thanks for the reassurance. The reality is that I can't make him be who I want him to be and need to concentrate on myself. He is a bully, and I married him, so he is my bully. I will try to stick with it and respond appropriately. It's kind of like raising a child, responding to bad behavoir in a matter-of-fact, natural consequences way. My son grew up to be a good man, husband, and father. Maybe my child-husband will turn out fine too.
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Thanks again for your comments.