Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Lexapro (escitalopram) is an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, and a host of others, which through my personal research, is dangerous, reduces feeling "human", and has lots of negative side effects. The DOCUMENTED ones are; insomnia
, constricted pupils, dry mouth, somnolence , dizziness
, fatigue, and indigestion.
This and other SSRIs also can negatively affect sexual functions: decreased libido, delayed ejaculation, genital anesthesia, and anorgasmia.(lack of orgasm). These affects can begin to reverse after the drug is tapered, although the symptoms can last for months or more after drug withdrawal (Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction).
If you quit cold turkey you can get SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome which include symptoms that feel like electric shops or brain zaps or brain shivers, dizziness, acute depression (sometimes manifested as irritability), and a feeling of inner restlessness, an inability to keep still or motionless (known as akathisia).
If you have just quit the excitalopram then you should see your physician or pharmacist to establish a tapering (weaning) regimen, which is often something like: first week, full dose every other day; second week, half dose every day,; third week half-dose every other day; fourth week 1/4 daily; fifth week, 1 /4 every other day, sixth, 1/8 daily,
7th 1/8th every other day. Get a professional opinion. I cannot prescribe medications but I know what the protocol usually is.
Everyone has suicidal thoughts at times. When you have gone from thoughts to a plan is the time to call for immediate help (911, 1.800.SUICIDE, ER, Police, your children). I must include this warning as my professional responsibility, but I believe that you are not at this stage. You have too many people who count on you, just for love and companionship, including a grandson who is very proud of you and who loves you dearly.
I hope I have helped.