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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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My 8 year old son is extremely defient in his behaviour. He

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My 8 year old son is extremely defient in his behaviour. He is only concerned about himself. I have 2 other children - a 9 year old daughter, and a 4 year old son. The middle child is always causing issues. He doesn't want to go along with the family plan. If the whole family wants to do something - He does not want to do it, and either starts whining about it, or hides in the house so the plan is disrupted. If he doesn't get his way - he will start very disruptive behaviour. Every day I deala with this behaviour at some level. I find it exhausting, and disruptive to our other children, and our family life in general. My son can be a great kid, but at times when something sets him off - I have trouble controlling him - ie: He doesn't want to go to school - so he runs and hides in the house. When I find him, he won't get up - I try to lift him (he is getting too big) then he won't get into the car - he runs away from me (or my husband- his dad). and he starts playing chase - I'm not going to chase him - but I have to get him in the car so we can get him to school. I've tried many behaviour modification suggestions - he isn't getting better - he is getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore!

Mother of 3 in FL
I must applaud your efforts. You have done a lot to try to correct the behavior. I am concerned that there may be something else going on that needs to be addressed. Could it be ADHD or impulse control disorder? It might be. Could it be that he is not getting his needs met? Possibly. The thing is that it is too complicated of an issue to assess it online. I think it is time for him to get evaluated by a psychologist who works with children. That way you can see if there are other issues that need to be addressed by other means than behavioral strategies. And, the psychologist can recommend an intervention specifically tailored to him and the family. That would be my next step if I am you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for your response. I will discuss seeing a therapist with my husband - He may be more of the thinking that our child will eventually grow out of it - or "grow up". I'm seeing where our child is losing respect for adults (in a sense). For the most part he is good at school - does his school work. He has confided in me one time telling me that people tell him he is just naturally good at things like tennis, reading, math, etc - and he isn't even trying it just comes natural to him - he even admits he thinks he is sort of lazy at times.

I'm not sure how to find a therapist - should I check with the school? even though we are not having issues with school? I guess I do need help - since I cannot crack the nut - so to speak of my middle child. My other two children are under control - Just the usual trials of everyday life. My middle child - has been a challenge his whole life - I can never seem to find the right "solution" to help him. But I am sick of having an 8 year old child control the whole family of 5. My husband and I need help to regain control - I'm just not sure how to do that. Or hoe to find a therapist to help us.

Leave the school out of it. They don't need to know anything about his mental health. No reason to wait until he grows out of it because it usually gets worse when they get older. I would first talk with his regular doctor and maybe you can be referred to a therapist. If that does not work then you can contact your local social service agency and they can direct you to mental health centers in your area.
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