How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Suzanne Your Own Question

Suzanne
Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Suzanne is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How can I feel more attractive I feel like I lost my ma

Resolved Question:

How can I feel more attractive? I feel like I lost my 'magic''?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.

In reading through the archives, it seems you have been asking about this to different experts. It might help if you gave a bit more detail, so we can give more specific advice.

Is there some reason these issues have come to a head now? Are you afraid your husband is seeing someone else? Or are there other reasons?

Please fill in a bit more detail...

 

PS: I am turning off the computer for the night now. I will respond to what you send next in the morning. Thank you for your patience.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Suzanne, you are my favorite expert. I like that you give long advice. I don't think he is seeing someone else. It's just that I feel like I have to really work on getting my husband to spend alone time with me and 'fight' for his affection. I think if i was more attractive to him or if he wanted me more, i wouldn't have to do these things. If there was anyway i can get him more attracted to me. I'd appreciate it. I also just had a baby 6 months ago.

On an intellectual level, i know that i am pretty, i'm blonde, size 8, and not bad. He just takes me for granted a lot i feel and doesn't really appreciate me. I would like to bring him there.

Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for the sweet compliment!

The thing that no one tells us (women) as we're growing up is that men are not just hairy versions of us. They truly think differently. Here are some examples:

It things come too easily to men, they tend to value those things less.

When asked for something, like attention--women will turn themselves inside out trying to provide it. Men, on the other hand, hear these requests as criticism and complaints.

This one was a big shocker for me personally--when eating at a restaurant, men feel like they are "providing" for their wife. If she sends the meal back because it isn't cooked right, the man will, many times, feel as if HE has failed.

Men get into feeling ashamed much more than women do. The problem with that is when they feel shame they either withdraw or attack...it sounds like you're married to a withdrawer.

So, although it seems crazy to us, you asking for more of his attention may actually feel to him like "Even though you're working long hours to provide for your family, etc, etc, etc, you are still not making your wife happy, therefore you are a failure as a man."

Please, please read "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it" For some reason the program isn't letting me insert a link today, but look up the title on Amazon.

Men respond to praise, they withdraw from criticism. Stop asking for attention...to him it feels like criticism. Whenever he does the slightest affectionate thing, tell him how happy it makes you (WITHOUT following up with "why can't you always do this?") . Yes, I know this seems like he should just man up and do what you ask, but that's because we think differently than men. The earlier in your marriage you really get this concept, the happier you will be.

Please get and read the book--it will change how you interact with your husband forever, and make both of you much happier. PS-forget about telling him to read it too. Just leave it sitting around every once in a while...he'll pick it up when he thinks you're not looking.

Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
Suzanne and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education