I have made some terrible mistakes today and I feel so badly and desperate right now that I don`t know what to do.
I had an appt. with my therapist this morning. Because I already saw her earlier this week, today`s appt. was just supposed to be for 30 minutes. However she was 15 minutes late. I figured she would add
some time at the end but she didn`t. Had I known this, I would never have gotten into the conversation I did
I was talking about something really heavy. When it came near the end of our time, I was quite upset. I was angry with her that she cut me short of time and said that it wasn`t right that she leave me so upset when it wasn`t my fault she was late. For me, that is really really speaking my mind and to say that, I was pretty upset because I would never say something like that under normal circumstances.
So I left clearly upset. I swallowed 5 or 6 of my Clonazapam chased down with Ocycodone which was my first mistake.
I didn`t know what to do next so I drove directly home and took a razor and sliced part of my hand quite deep. This was my second mistake.
I had another appt. with my regular physician almost right after the one with my therapist so I went to it. I made up a story of how I cut my hand and he stitched it up.
I am a very impulsive person by the way. The office is located in a store. Where i then took 4 or 5 items to try to help me feel better. Mistake number three. But now all I feel is worse.
I am supposed to see my therapist again on Monday but am so angry at her right now. It feels like she doesn`t care how I was feeling and gave me no way to cope with my feelings. But if I don`t go, it only hurts me.
So now I have cut, stole and feel miserable and hopeless and very very alone with a whole pile of overwhelming feelings. I don`t know what to do with them or myself.
I hope you can help me.