Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sound like you may have developed anxiety related to your medical issues. When you have gone through a lot of trauma such as you have, developing a fear or Post Traumatic Stress is a normal response. It can mean that you felt overwhelmed and severely stressed by your experiences. You can also feel depressed along with anxiety.
Feeling overwhelmed to the point you feel suicidal means you need help with how you feel. You do not have to face this alone. There is help and relief for you.
Should you feel suicidal again, contact or go to your local ER. You can have an evaluation done there to determine if you need admitted (for medications and/or immediate treatment) or referred to your local community mental health facility.
Whether or not you have anxiety, a phobia or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is something a therapist can help you with. Make an appointment to see a therapist. You need to have an evaluation to determine exactly what you are dealing with. Based on what your diagnosis is, the therapist can help provide you with the right treatment and support to help you learn to cope and feel better.
A racing heart and nausea are signs of anxiety. Trauma of any kind can trigger those kinds of feelings. Because of what you went through, you may have felt overwhelmed and out of control. Medical situations often make people feel severely anxious. On the one hand, you have to face procedures and tests because of the need to get better but on the other hand you don't want to submit for painful and unpleasant treatment. There is no choice and it is that feeling, the feeling of being out of control, that makes people feel anxious. White Coat syndrome is one example of how people react when facing medical situations. Doctors remind patients that they are not always in control of their bodies.
What you can do is get help from a therapist. Also, you can work on this at home. Self help is very effective with anxiety. Here are some resources to help you get started:
The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne
The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety: A Step-By-Step Program by William Knaus and Jon, Psy.D. Carlson
The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook: A Guide to Healing, Recovery, and Growth by Glenn R. Schiraldi
Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety and Depression, 2nd Edition, Completely Revised and Updated by Joseph J. Luciani
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
Hang in there. With some treatment and support, you will feel better.
I hope this has helped,Kate