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You likely know you are unlikely to change him, very unlikely. So you must focus on self. The "strategy" I recommend is to look forward. No one leaves for immediate satisfaction. Look at where you want to be a year or two from now. If it is stuck in the cold war, do nothing. If not, take some likely painful steps to have a better life in the future. I also strongly advise seeking legal advice to protect what you have in terms of home, $$$, etc. I am not familiar with book you mentioned but after 30 years, Passive aggressive is the only personality to deal with I see as a no win situation. No matter what you do, the retaliation, however subtle, will out-do you.
Thank you for your reply but I am a bit confused...if you know that PA's always retaliate and I will always be out-done, how can I take steps to have a better life
I guess always is bit black and white. Just in my experience professionally and personally, I find this the most difficult personality to deal with. Is your experience different?
Generally, I see a couple strategies. One is realize that is who he is and decide to live with it. The second is remove yourself from situation, at least emotionally, if not physically. I am pessimistic about you being able to modify him to any significant degree. They have a way of making sure everything fails and they deny having any part in it.