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Ask Dr. Ed Wilfong Your Own Question
Dr. Ed Wilfong
Dr. Ed Wilfong, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1528
Experience:  Twenty-five years treating all ages; Specialities: psychopharmacology & diagnosis, MMPI-2, testing.
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I am a mental health professional married to a man who I believe

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I am a mental health professional married to a man who I believe is passive aggressive as well as OCD. He is a hoarder, he is depressed and very anxious and he refuses to go for counseling, couples or individual. He also refuses to go on medication. We have had problems for years but it is much worse now. I have tried to talk and reason with him but nothing works. I don't want to move out of the house and he won't so its a cold war. I need a strategy please-I am trying to take care of myself but it is a very upsetting situation.

Dr. Ed Wilfong :

You likely know you are unlikely to change him, very unlikely. So you must focus on self. The "strategy" I recommend is to look forward. No one leaves for immediate satisfaction. Look at where you want to be a year or two from now. If it is stuck in the cold war, do nothing. If not, take some likely painful steps to have a better life in the future. I also strongly advise seeking legal advice to protect what you have in terms of home, $$$, etc. I am not familiar with book you mentioned but after 30 years, Passive aggressive is the only personality to deal with I see as a no win situation. No matter what you do, the retaliation, however subtle, will out-do you.


Thank you for your reply but I am a bit confused...if you know that PA's always retaliate and I will always be out-done, how can I take steps to have a better life

Dr. Ed Wilfong :

I guess always is bit black and white. Just in my experience professionally and personally, I find this the most difficult personality to deal with. Is your experience different?

Dr. Ed Wilfong :

Generally, I see a couple strategies. One is realize that is who he is and decide to live with it. The second is remove yourself from situation, at least emotionally, if not physically. I am pessimistic about you being able to modify him to any significant degree. They have a way of making sure everything fails and they deny having any part in it.

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