How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
40019946
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How can I protect my grandchildren from a Narcissistic mother.

Resolved Question:

How can I protect my grandchildren from a Narcissistic mother. I believe my 43 year old daughter suffers from NPD. She has 3 children, 15, 13 and 9. My daughter acts like a teenager, not a mother and she is covered with tattoos. She sets no boundries for any of the kids and I am especially worried about the 15 year old daughter who tries to be just like her mother.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Hi their, friend,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I will be happy to talk with you if you are online.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

What makes you think that your daughter has NPD?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

We are living in a time when our civilization is failing, while moral values are declining, and we have entered a period when several generations are already in decline in many ways. There is a sizable minority of mothers like your daughter. These MTV generation children have their own style and do not understand the requirements of parenting.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

You have not responded to my original question. Are you indeed online?

Customer:

I am not unfamiliar with the symptoms of NPD as I have researched and talked with a counselor. My daughter is obsessed with her beauty and continually draws attention to herself. She must always have her way, if anyone disagrees with her she reacts with anger almost to the point of tantrums and then simply cuts that person out of her life. She is financially irresponsible and has put her family to the point where they have lost their home and are preparing to file bankruptcy, but she continues to buy what she wants or to spend money on rock concerts she wants to attend. She is a 43 year old mother who acts like a 15 year old. I could go on and on with examples, but trust me she has been like this since she was a small child.

Customer:

Hello, are you there?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

If she has been this way for perhaps 35 years, and has been a mother for 15 of those years, then it may be very difficult to reach her, let alone get her to change her behavior. This has to be highly frustrating for you and has finally led to your diagnosis for Adjustment Disorder (situation depression is one aspect of it). You might also have anxiety as a result.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

You should have access to talk therapy, in addition to the medication (or rather than the medication). You will have to learn to cope with this situation because it will be difficult or impossible for you to change your daughter's behavior, and unless she is putting herself or her children at risk - as defined by the legal system rather than by you - you will not be able to coerce her to get help.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I am sure that she NEEDS intervention very badly, and that she is causing real harm to her children, but the court will probably not intervene.

Customer:

I know my daughter is not going to change because she believes there is nothing wrong with her. My real question is as grandmother, what can I do to help my grandchildren cope with their mother? I have come to terms and understand my relationship with my daughter cannot be a close one, this is for my own mental health.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Treatment for NPD is very difficult. The first difficulty is the refusal to accept treatment. Obviously, you are well versed on the subject, having done lots of research. Let me respond to your last post, momentarily.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

As a grandmother, who wants to help and wants to help yourself therapeutically by positive intervention (which is absolutely the CORRECT thing to do), you must spend quality time with your grandchildren. This may require you to allay your daughter's suspicions, if she has any. Take them on outings of their choice. Do not comment on their style (piercings or tattoos if any) or manner of dress.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Be positive at all times with them. Never criticize their mother. Do not communicate negatively with body language either. You must win them over and set for them a positive role model of a functional parent who acts as a dignified adult. Let them understand what growing up means. You have to provide an alternative positive model for these children. You must win them over slowly with unconditional love. If you need to correct them, you must approach this carefully so as not to push them away.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Your daughter is now the sole role model. You must show something new without directly challenging their mom. This is going to be a process and so will take time. You must persevere and show them that you care. You absolutely WILL make a difference and provide a striking contrast. It is hard when your daughter panders to them. You have to use your influence WITHOUT that juvenile advantage. It may take time, and the children will need to gain maturity, but what you show now will stick with them.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you perseverance and patience in accomplishing this.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I hope that this has given you some direction.

Customer:

I agree with what you have said. These are all things that I am trying to do, and while I know it is a slow process I guess I just needed to be reassured that it WILL make a difference in my grandchildren's lives. I don't mind telling you it is heartbreaking for me to know that my daughter and I cannot have a close relationship and it is heartbreaking for me to have to worry so about my grandchildren. But thank you for reassuring me.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I am a parent too, and I have gone through similar heartbreaking experiences, and was married to a woman with NPD for many years. I have persevered with one child who was a problem, and now, finally, I have had a break through.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Yes patience is the key. I am sorry for your pain, but there is not much you can do with this difficult personality disorder. You have empathy, and alas, she does not. That probably cannot be changed.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

God bless you and your family, and keep up the good fight. You have the intelligence and love to win out in the end.

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX to see my grandchildren grow up to be responsible adults. I hope I live that long! (Thought I should end this with a little humor)

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

May you live a long and HAPPY life with the blessing of your grandchildren as your reward.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
5114 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.