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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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When my boyfriend and I fight he holds me down or takes my

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When my boyfriend and I fight he holds me down or takes my phone so I cant call someone for help or so that I can't leave. If I scream, he covers my mouth. I get really frustrated and feel like I'm going crazy. Afterwards I feel numb and just stare into space and try to imagine I'm somewhere else. I feel hopeless like I can't get away and I have no one to help me. When I say I want to leave him he says you're not leaving me and gets really angry and aggressive. I feel hatred towards him when he does this. I want to hurt him or myself. What can I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hello, I believe I can help you with your question.


It sounds like you are in a very abusive relationship. When someone is abusive, they are controlling. They will try to keep you under their power and not allow you to be yourself. They will take away your choices and refuse to see anything from your perspective. The abuse is to ensure you lose your sense of self. You no longer matter and have no choices.


This is a relationship you need to get away from, immediately. From what you said, it has already hurt you severely emotionally. You are feeling numb and feel like you are going crazy. That is part of being abused. It is designed to make you feel like there is something wrong with you instead of wrong with the abuser.


You can leave and go to a shelter. They can help you get away from the situation, get counseling and help you find resources to get back on your feet. Also, learn what you can about abuse. That will help you see this as his fault and understand the damage it is doing to you. Here are some resources to help you:


The Domestic Violence Sourcebook by Dawn Bradley Berry


It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock


Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft


You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.


Find the strength to leave. Ask for help. All you need to is take that first step. There are people who want to help you.



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