How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am in a continual battle in my mind and heart with regards

Resolved Question:

I am in a continual battle in my mind and heart with regards XXXXX XXXXX 40 year old son, whom since Jan. 2011 has been living in my home awaiting prison sentencing. He has continued to make poor choices for himself and because he lives here and I am his mother, it has an effect on me now and actually all of his life. I feel consumed. He currently has a restraining order placed on him by his girlfriend, and he and she have both broken that order (numerous times) and now he sits in jail due to their behavior together. His lawyer states it is always 100% better to not be incarcerated when going before the judge. I feel like this is a Mr. Toad's wild ride and I do not know how to get off with the least amount of damage, and still be support loving, and caring to any and all of us involved. He is calling me (collect) begging pleading, crying to get him out. This has effected my relationships with all the people in my life, because it is so overwhelming and sad to me. These are longtime issues and I just do not know how to fix this for myself.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Your son's behavior is causing you a lot of stress. You are trying to balance being a loving and supportive parent with the stress and grief your son is causing. That is a very hard place to be in.

 

It is important that you care for yourself. You mentioned doing some things like staying involved with grandchildren, resting and staying busy. All of those are great responses to the stress. But you also need someone outside of your family to talk to. A therapist can provide you with an objective point of view, suggestions on how to handle the situation, and overall support to help you through. To find a therapist, talk to your doctor to ask for a referral. Or, if you attend church, your pastor can help. Pastors are often trained in counseling and can offer you support with your faith as well. Or you can search on line for a therapist at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

By seeing a therapist, you can also address some of the long time issues you mentioned. This will help you find different and better ways to cope with your family situation.

 

You also should decide your boundaries with your son. Being supportive is great, but if your son is making poor choices than he needs to not put you in the middle of the situation. That makes you responsible and causes much guilt and stress for you. That is not to say that you should not be there for him, but deciding how much support you can provide helps you and him with boundaries. For example, support your son by being there for court and for helping him local a place to stay when he is out. But draw the line at having him in your home. By having him there, it takes away the very place that is your safe haven. You cannot go home and relax from the stress of the situation. You are living with it 24 hours a day. That is a lot.

 

Also, by not providing a home for your son, you are helping him. That sounds strange, but you help him by forcing him to be more responsible for his behavior. If he feels that you will always help him when he does the wrong thing, then he has less incentive to do the right thing. But if the consequences of his actions all fall on him, then he has to take the full brunt of his actions.

 

You are in a difficult position and it is understandable that you feel this way. But there are options. Reaching out and asking for help shows that you are approaching this in a healthy manner and that you are open to changing the situation. And those are signs of a healthy way of handling your problem.

 

Let me know if I can help any further,

Kate

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I would like your recommendation (from your knowledge base in your field and the small background of information I had given you) of a licensed professional in psychiatry / psychology that would be local to me, here in Arvada, Colorado, 80004 so that I may make contact and an appointment.
I did tell him on more then one occasion, when you leave and get into her vehicle she has the power over you to jeapodize any and everything you have been working towards. I would not allow her on my property or in my house, thus she got angry. He allowed her into my home to use the bathroom when I was not here and she subsequently stole two rings from my bedroom. He left with her to try and get my rings back, even though I asked several times for him not to go with her and let the Arvada police find my rings. They both have mental health issues and she turned on him in the her vehicle called 911 and he has been in jail since. He is a recovering drug addict and has recently (within this last year) been diagnosed with longtime, untreated mental health issues. I also stated, that should you go to jail for this, I will not bail you out. I just want somone to help me understand how to not hurt anymore.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Here are some therapists that can help:

 

Veronica Hoegler PhD
Psychologist

Arvada, Colorado 80004
Call:(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

 

Deborah Bryon PhD, NCPsyA
Psychologist

Arvada, Colorado 80002
Call:(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

 

Mary J Simon PsyD
Psychologist

Office is near:
Arvada, Colorado 80002
Call:(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

 

If you do not find anyone you want to work with, use the link I provided to plug in your zip code and it will provide you with a list of therapists you can contact.

 

This is definitely a situation you need to get out of. Your son is letting this woman use you and it is only going to make the situation worse. He is putting his needs and his girlfriend's needs ahead of yours. This is a situation that you can offer support in, but while keeping yourself safe from harm.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your time and advice. What does the NCPsyA stand for on the doctor Deborah Bryon?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome!

 

I believe it stands for the National Association for the Advancement of Psychoanalysis. That usually means the person does in depth therapy rather than short term therapy. It would be a good question to ask her when you talk with her to make an appointment.

 

Take care and let me know if I can help at any time in the future,

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education