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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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I am a middle aged male who has 2 coworkers spreading untruths

Resolved Question:

I am a middle aged male who has 2 coworkers spreading untruths and trying to manipulate other cowworkers to not speak to me? How do I handle this effectively?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 3 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer. Let me see if I can help here....

AgapeDoc :

It is my goal to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you click on the accept button?

Customer:

sure

AgapeDoc :

OK.... I am so sorry you find yourself in this position - it is one of the most challenging to deal with at work...

Customer:

I'm hoping that this won't be posted on a bulletin board....

Customer:

yes - very unfortunate - think it's because I'm single

AgapeDoc :

It will not be posted anywhere like a bulletin board - you have anonymity at Just Answer.

Customer:

thank you - awesome!

AgapeDoc :

Having said that, I have dealt with similar situations that clients have brought to me.

AgapeDoc :

Here has what has helped them....

Customer:

thank you - this is common from what I gather....

Customer:

a form of bullying

AgapeDoc :

You MUST have something tangible. How do you know they are doing this? Is there e mails, etc.?

AgapeDoc :

Yes it is a form of bullying - this is how women bully.... by exclusion. With men it's more physical threats.

Customer:

oh, it's all word of mouth....unfortunately, nothing tangible

Customer:

oh wow! thank you for your insight...

AgapeDoc :

Once you have something tangible - some "proof" you must keep your own records. Proof could come from other coworkers who have heard them speaking of this.

Customer:

other coworkers actions and behavior is only tangible thing....really...no hard evidence but I'm not dumb either

Customer:

oh yes, have other coworkers that have thought the same....

AgapeDoc :

It could also come from events, such as people walking away, excluding you from work related events..

Customer:

when they are separate - outside of work they approach me and try to be so friendly and nice

AgapeDoc :

If other coworkers have said things or referred to this, take note of it and then take it to human resources and explain that this is creating a "hostile work environment" that will get their attention.

Customer:

I am tempted to stop ALL conversation with them - don't even say 'hello'

Customer:

this way they know that I know and do not accept what they are doing....is this adviseable?

AgapeDoc :

It can be so frustrating, but I would counsel against that at this point. However, explain your frustration to the person in charge of Human Resources.

AgapeDoc :

If you start reacting to their "bullying", they have "won"

Customer:

ok....understand sure but HR is there to protect a company not the employee, unfortuantely

Customer:

oh, I see your point....

Customer:

sorry for the typo's

Customer:

how should I 'act'?

Customer:

as normal and as if nothing is going on?

AgapeDoc :

Yes, they will protect the company first and foremost - that is why I counsel you to tell then you are dealing with a hostile work environment - they will want to protect the company from a lawsuit from you.

AgapeDoc :

You should take a deep breath and act as normal a possible - not easy I know, but.... it's the best way.

AgapeDoc :

The other thing HR will want to protect from is how this conflict will impact productivity.

Customer:

oh got it....thanks.....yes, I see your logic. Yes, and thank you for pointing that women do bully this way...

Customer:

thank you - have a great day!

AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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