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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I just dont understand how my parents can be so cruel to me

Resolved Question:

I just don't understand how my parents can be so cruel to me and my sister they try to give her everything.I started driving a tractor when I was 5yrs. old, worked out in the heat all day no shade, lucky to have water sometimes. I would work 10-15 hrs a day at least 6 days a week. when I truned 8-9 years old I would work in the feilds all day from sun up to sundown. No shade and lucky to have a water jug. When I would get hurt or sick, it was my own fault. As time went on I worked harder. I couldn't do anything right, when dad came over to me where I has working at a fast speed I knew I was going to get chewed out then asmacked up side the head, closed fist. The last time my dad give me cuts and bruses I was 23 years old and he did it in front of my brothern-law, He asked him why he did that, because I wasn't moving fast enuff. My brothern-inlaw said to me he wasn't going to have anything to do with this anymore. My brothern-inlaw and I would always talk when we had a chance,he was my only freind I had. My now ex wife of 27 years fit right in and was a very demanding person. Between her and my dad they tried to work me to death, they always wanted more and more. I do know that when you work for three days 24 hrs a day, that you loose your eye sight. Everyone would just turn their heads and look the other way. 10 years ago my sister divorced my brothern-inlaw, because he couldn't make enuff money for her either. 3 years ago my brothern-law shot himself in the head, I sure do miss him. Now I'm 57 years old, broke and I don't think I will live much longer, I'm going to make this as short as I can. I have both knees are replaced with steel, knee caps too, both ankles need to be fused, someday my right hip needs to be replaced, I have had one back surgery, they said they can't do anymore. 28* scoloius cruve in my back, Both shoulders have had rotor cuff surgery, left shoulder is made of steel and screws, my rigth shoulder has staples in it holding it on, but they said when I can't stand the pain anymore, they would replace it for a small fee. Two years ago my gallblater blew out and the speedy Dr. we have here wanted me too wait 10 days brfore having it removed, if I could have reach him, he would have founf out what pain was. I ahd The surgery a week later, Dr. took pictures of it and give me hell for waiting so long. My one cousin told me that my parents were afriad I was going to die, but I didn't, but none of my family came to see me in the hospital were I was for six days after. I have had my neck fused, nine screws and three plates of steel. I still work for a living, farm and ranch, I have to, so I can pay my mother rent for the house and I pay rent to mydad for the rest of the farm. My parents are still living dad82+ , Mom81+. My mother told me one day that she was in beter health than I was No shit. I ahte my parents . In the eight grade I always missed a lot of school, one year dad got sick, I missed 9&1/2 weeks. At ten o'clock at night dad and I was going to get aload of baged feed, dad told me how ashamed of me for falling be hined. My question is how am I sopuse to tell these people that I love them, Other people say I'm really going to miss them when they gone, and all they have done for me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you were severely abused as a child. Your father and mother were cruel by working you so hard, hitting you, and demeaning you. And you mentioned sexual abuse as well.

 

There is no reason that you need to even continue contact with your parents. Many abused children feel guilt at the idea of cutting off contact with their parents, but if your parents are still abusive after all these years, you are not obligated as an adult to continue to accept the abuse. If you are near your parents or live with them, move out. Do not respond to them or contact them in any way. As long as they can abuse you, they will and you will not be able to heal from the abuse until you remove yourself from it.

 

You also do not have to listen to anyone else yell at you or demean you. Over the years, you have learned that you deserve being treated this way because you were taught that you were not worthwhile as a child. But that is far from the truth. You deserve to be treated with decency and respect, just like anyone else.

 

Learning that you are worthwhile and developing a self esteem does not occur overnight. It takes work and determination. But with the right help and some persistence on your part, you can do it.

 

Here are some resources to help you:

 

Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused by Steven Farmer

 

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward and Craig Buck

 

Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame by Beverly Engel

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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