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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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Im a 25yr old married male with 3 young children. I have a

Resolved Question:

I'm a 25yr old married male with 3 young children. I have a childhood that includes my dad beating my mother, beating me (his form of discipline for doing something wrong), him being an alcoholic, and my parents divorcing when i was 11yrs old. I have been suffering from issues with affection (being needy), anger (not being able to control what i do or say), socializing (not wanting to be around people, social anxiety), emotions (lack of sad and happy, basically its anger or no emotion at all), taking things seriously. These issues are affecting my relationship with my wife (who wants a divorce) and my 3 kids (34month girl, 18month boy and girl). I love my family to death and do not want to lose them but i'm continuously saying or doing the wrong things (stupid things) to them. I'm currently on Zoloft for social anxiety which is helping a little with that but the other issues are my main concern. Can you please help me? I don't know where to start to fix these issues, if they can even be fixed
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 2 years ago.

mindhealer :

Good evening. I'm online and would be more than happy to help you. Let me know when you're in the room and we can certainly discuss this further

Customer:

OK IM HERE

mindhealer :

Hi. Thanks for joining me in the chat.

Customer:

no problem

mindhealer :

First please allow me to say that I am sincerely XXXXX XXXXX hear of the difficulty you're experiencing and I would very much like to help you. Would you mind very much if I asked you a few questions before we go any further?

Customer:

Dont mind

mindhealer :

Thank you. You mentioned being needy in your question. May I ask...is it a matter of wanting affection but then having trouble allowing someone to get close to you? Almost like you're worried about them leaving,

Customer:

no its more needing affection (more than the normal person i suppose). Ive been told by several different people that i'm "needy" when it comes to affection (hugging, holding hands, cuddling)

mindhealer :

ok. Thank you. Do you ever experience recurring thoughts of the physical abuse as a child as well as your father hurting your mother? Almost like a movie playing out in your head?

Customer:

Not really. I basically blocked the memory of my mom and myself being beat. I never really held my dad accountable for those actions, at least not to me because i believe he was raised the same way

mindhealer :

Thank you. It seems as though you're experiencing a great deal of anger....can you identify any triggers that may bring it on?

Customer:

Not really. Its strange because some things i should be angered about i'm not and others i am when i shouldnt be. Also i tend to be nonconfrontational

mindhealer :

Thanks. It almost sounds like it's the little trivial things that get you angry. Does that sound accurate?

Customer:

Yes. That sounds about right

mindhealer :

ok. And when you a lack of happy and sad...is it almost like a numb feeling?

Customer:

I guess you can called it that. Its like whatever happened or was said don't mean anything to me.

mindhealer :

It's almost like you're immune to feeling, sound accurate?

mindhealer :

better put...having appropriate feelings for whats happening in your life

Customer:

In a sense, yes. I did have some feelings when my children were born and when i got married but as for other things like promotions, death, talk of divorce, etc i have no feelings

mindhealer :

you mentioned earlier that you've pushed away the thoughts of the abuse...almost rationalized the behavior. Correct?

Customer:

Thats correct

mindhealer :

You mentioned having seen a psychologist before for 6 sessions...did they give you an impression of what may be going on with you?

Customer:

Not really. She was more concerned with trying different stuff to control these issues as opposed to helping me understand the issues first. Like how they came to be, why it happens sporadically, etc

mindhealer :

so basically treating the surface stuff rather than identifying the origin of the problem?

Customer:

Correct. Not to get off point but if it means anything, Ive never taken a sip of alcohol. Ive never had the feeling or urge to do so due to the effects it had on my dad

mindhealer :

It actually means a great deal and thank you for sharing that with me

Customer:

Welcome

mindhealer :

May I offer you my impression of what you may be going through?

Customer:

Yes it would be appreciated

mindhealer :

Based on what you identified in your question and the thorough responsed you've kindly provided to me here in the chat it's likely that you're going through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....and likely have been going through it for some time.

mindhealer :

The traumatic event in question is the abuse but probably even more was the witnessing of your mother being harmed

mindhealer :

You're symptom presentation is consistent with the diagnosis. I say this with a fair amount of confidence as I'm a trauma specialist

Customer:

Ive heard of "PTSD" before but can you kinda explain the connections between PTSD and the issues into depth (if you dont mind) to help me better understand?

mindhealer :

I dont mind at all. PTSD is basically a cluster of symptoms

mindhealer :

the index trauma is evident and there.....

mindhealer :

a lot of those with PTSD try to go on with their life by pushing away the event in question in order to continue functioning but what happens is that it still seeps out in anger and frustration and a lack of emotion often

mindhealer :

does that make sense so far? I just want to be certain you understand it clearly :)

Customer:

Yes so far so good

mindhealer :

ok. The emotions are not felt as a means of protection...if you can't feel than you can't get completely close to another and therefore not get hurt...be it physically or emotionally.......despite the obvious love you have for your family

mindhealer :

make sense?

Customer:

Yes

mindhealer :

The trauma is driving every single thing I've just mentioned even though you work very hard to keep it pushed away

mindhealer :

it fights its way through you and manifests in the symptoms identified

Customer:

That makes a lot of sense. Due to it being over several years, it makes it all the more difficult to keep it pushed away. Would PTSD cause anger outburst over something acute (like something out of order)?

mindhealer :

MOST DEFINITELY it would...in fact that's one of the most common factors associated

Customer:

oh ok. This PTSD would explain why i absolutely avoid arguments and physical confrontations with my dad

mindhealer :

correct....if you didn't any arguments would trigger the events from the past

mindhealer :

I would make 2 recommendations for you if I may?

Customer:

Yes you may. You have opened my eyes to something i would have never associated my issues with

mindhealer :

Thank you. The first is a workbook that will allow you to learn more about PTSD and includes exercises to explore further to help you manage the symptoms as well as ways to cope with the stressors

mindhealer :

That would be the first step

mindhealer :

The second would be to contact your insurance carrier and request a referral to a therapist specifically trained in the treatment of trauma as it's a very specialized practice

mindhealer :

That would be the best place to start....also exploring with your physician about a change in medications to either paxil or prozac as both are FDA approved in treating PTSD and helping to manage the anger

mindhealer :

DOes that seem reasonable?

Customer:

Yes that does. It helps greatly when i can associate my issues with a title. Therefore my doctors and i can pin point the correct treatment instead of guessing what it may be

mindhealer :

precisely!! Do you have any other questions that I can help you with or need any further clarification?

mindhealer :

Im very happy that I could help you!! If there's nothing further you can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button if you're satisfied with the answer and help I've provided.

mindhealer :

are you there sir?

Customer:

Yes im sorry i was helping put the kids to sleep

mindhealer :

No worries!! Do you have any other questions?

Customer:

No i do not. You have been such a great help. I greatly appreciate everything. Thank you so much

mindhealer :

You are most welcome. It was my pleasure. If there is nothing else I can do at this time you can click ACCEPT to end the chat if you're happy with the help I;ve provided you. I wish you the very best!!!!

Customer:

Thank you

mindhealer :

very welcome.

mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience: Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
mindhealer and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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