I'm wondering if it's possible to have an atypical version of PTSD? I'm 28 now and had an abusive school life where I was bullied and sexually harassed by teachers as well as pupils. I had to leave when I was 15, and felt terrible for not getting many qualifications. Since then, I've had bouts of depression, anxiety
, fatigue and chronic back pain. I've been trying to go back to university to get some qualifications, but every time I go, it's like I'm back at school and unable to complete.
A few years ago, I left two courses near the end, and am about to do the same with my masters degree, having felt unable to submit my dissertation. I'm the perfect attender and can commit to any deadline that isn't assessed. But when it is, I fall to pieces.I don't actively think about school. but I have nightmares
about it, and the feelings are identical. I get paralysed emotionally, very stressed, and often have symptoms of fatigue or chronic pain. If something is due, I end up crying for days and feel unable to do the work. I've tried my best to manage these symptoms, stress
in particular, but when I fix one symptom, something else takes its place. It's like my body is screaming at me to stop, yet intellectually I want to keep going.
Though I've had mental health problems for years, they are notable when I'm trying to study. In 2007 I was completely free of all of this, and I believe this is because it's the only year since leaving school in 1999 where I haven't been on a course. Obviously the answer is obvious -- stop studying. And I will, but I love it when I'm not having to hand work in. I'd also really like to get my masters, if the uni will give me a resubmission.
Is it possible this is a type of PTSD? Is there anything I can do about this?