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mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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We have been married for 29 years, sex was great for the first

Resolved Question:

We have been married for 29 years, sex was great for the first 10 years. at some point we
started experiencing some problems that got worst with time ... right now we have a real problem and need HELP we cant have sex, I have terrible pain when my husband try to penetrate, as a result he lost interest and our relationship are effected ...
We got to the point that we understand that we need help !

Thank you,
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 5 years ago.
Good afternoon and welcome to Just Answer. I'd like to also thank you for the opportunity to help with your question. Please allow me to say that I am sincerely XXXXX XXXXX hear of the difficulty that you're both experiencing. Having said that I feel it's important to mention to you that what you're facing is not an uncommon problem.

If I may ask a couple questions before providing you with an answer and suggestions?

First, would you mind telling me more about the problems you were having before the cessation of sexual activity took place? Were there any problems in your marriage that may have contributed to the lack of sexual drive?

Also, are you both recognizing this as a problem that you want to work through or is it only you who sees it as a problem. This added knowledge will help me to direct you to the most appropriate treatment recommendations.

I recognize how difficulties this must be for you and I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX you don't mind my asking the additional questions. I just want to be as helpful as possible and ensure that your question is thoroughly addressed.

Thank you again for the opportunity to help and zip look forward to your response.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Now we both recognize the problem .... but for many years my husband was more comfortable making exuses then dealing with it. It started with just doing it less, but when we did it was good and enjoyable to both of us, and then we started experiencing some problems with erection and when we where able to have one my husband will be done in no time. Now I developed this terrible pain and he lost interest completely.
He finally understand that we need help, and he is willing to go get some professional help and treatment.

Thank you,
Expert:  mindhealer replied 5 years ago.
Thank you very much for the additional information as that has certainly been helpful. It sounds as though the difficulty with having intercourse is two fold...psychological in that you've both grown to live with the problem and no exploration was attempted to identify any underlying causes and physical in that you're experiencing intense pain when attempting to have sex presently.

My initial suggestion would be for you to consider marriage counseling in order to work through any difficulties experienced as a result of the difficulty having sex. There could potentially be some secondary stressors that a therapist could help you both through as well as having help in learning to reconnect with one another. I mention that due to the fact that sexual intercourse isn't merely an act but involves a great deal of intimacy which may have been affected over the years.

I would also suggest that you consider seeing your physician (preferably your OB in order to address the physical distress you're having when attempting intercourse. It would be beneficial to rule out any medical concerns or reasons for the pain. At that point the therapist you're seeing should be able to help you begin working toward reconnecting with one another with the goal of resuming the healthy sex life you had early on in your marriage.

You should be able to locate a marriage therapist through your insurance provider or be referred to one by your physician.

Please let me know if you have any further questions or if you need any additional clarification on the answers and suggestions I've provided to you.

If you feel I've thoroughly answered your question to your satisfaction I'd greatly appreciate your clicking the ACCEPT button. Though please ask any additional questions first as I want to be certain I've answered your question thoroughly.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your answer. your words were a confermation to what I have been saying for long time. my husband is ready now to be more acceptive of my observation. he think that we should try to work it out without going to a therapist. do you think that we can do it?
is it possible to keep in touch with you, as we try to resolve it without a therapist ?
Please let me know if I can request your services when contacting Justanswer.

Thank you,
Expert:  mindhealer replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I'm truly happy to hear that I could help you and offer the needed guidance and direction. Of course you can stay in contact and I'd be more than happy to answer any further questions you may have in your journey. When you type in any questions in the future it will ask if the question is for a specific person and that's when you can request me personally.

If you're completely satisfied then you can press the Accept button if you have no further questions. Again, thank you for the opportunity to help you and your husband and I look forward to helping you in the future should you require any further assistance. I hope this finds you well.
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