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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am not able to concentrate on anything. i am getting personally,

Customer Question

I am not able to concentrate on anything. i am getting personally, professionally and mentally frustrated. Everything feels to be totally gone.

i have tried all things as much as i can. The problem is i loved a girl a lot n still i love her a lot. She also used to loved me a lot. But suddenly due to condition she dumped me. I am not able to forget her. All time i thinks about her. I am really helpless. i tried all options to forget her. Nothing is working out

I really want to get out of it otherwise it will be really put me in deeper trouble.

Please suggest me something. I really need help
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you are finding that your grief over the loss of your relationship is interfering in your day to day life and you are trying to cope with it.

 

It is very normal to experience grief over the loss of a relationship for up to 6 to 9 months. Any loss of a relationship is going to cause grief, which you have to work through in order to move on. Part of the issue here may be your feelings about the relationship. It sounds like it meant a lot to you. If it did, it will be more difficult to overcome. But you can do it.

 

First, recognize that it is ok to feel angry, sad, frustrated and confused. You have gone through a bad experience. You shared a lot with this person and now they are gone. You are going to experience a range of emotions until you feel better.

 

Second, be good to yourself. You need a break. Get out of town for a few days, hang out with friends, take some time to do something different. Back off some of your normal activities and take a break. You need to allow yourself to heal.

 

Third, allow yourself to grieve. Talk to close friends, family or others who can help you. Write out how you feel. Write a letter to your ex telling her about your feelings. Don't send the letter but keep it so you can add to it or burn it, whatever you feel.

 

Four, remember this is grief. It takes time. But you still have your future. And you will have other relationships. You will smile and be happy again.

 

Let me know if I can help any further,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
i have tried most of the stuff you mentioned. You are correct that person really means a lot to me. Till now i have never been in a relationship. This is the first time i got into a relationship and it didn't happpen in a day. We have known each other for three years. It happened in last year only.
I am not even able to speak to her when she calls me sometime. From childhood i was always afraid to get in a relation because of all these circumstances. I know myself, i cannot forget things . Even if i am with my friends i thinks about her.

I just want to get out of this, otherwise i will ruin my life i know. I have seriously put myself in a big trouble
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I am sorry you were unhappy with my answer. I will opt out to allow other experts to help you.

 

Kate

Expert:  Camille RN replied 3 years ago.
Hi...what do you mean you have put yourself in big trouble? Can you please explain?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
i mean i am not able to do anything. My frustration are jus going beyond my control..i don even talk properly to people..dont eat/sleep properly..the same thoughts keeps troubling me again and again...i just wanaa get out of it
Expert:  Camille RN replied 3 years ago.
The Grief has developed into an unhealthy obsession. You really need to see a Doctor who will try you on some medication to help you to feel better and more in control.... some Cognitive Behavioral therapy which is basically talk therapy, with a Psychiatrist will also help you. One of the biggest problems is the cycle this causes... worry, no sleep , more worry, less sleep... and the less you sleep, the more unable you are to think and behave rationally. What has happened to you is no less traumatic that an actual death. The Loss of a deep relationship feels like death... and can be very very difficult for many people.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
You are right..i am just not able to control my emotions..the more i try to forget everything the more its comes..i never wanted to be in this condition..i m really struggling..i have screwed my personal life and m worried that i will screw my proessional life too..
i feels so disgusted...

can you suggest something which will help me to think of something else.

This was the first time i went into a relationship.it was not in a day.. we knew each other from 3 years...n now its all over...she is able to live normaly and with no issues...
how can people be so selfish...

Please if possible suggest something which can help me
Expert:  Camille RN replied 3 years ago.
While time is the best healer.... getting there is so hard. What works is to try to set your sights elsewhere. For example... a dating website where you can look through scads of ads of other people in a similar position as you are in...people who are wanting to meet someone new. This is a veryhelpful E- Book:
http://theadventurouswriter.com/lettinggoofsomeoneyoulove/
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Camille RN replied 3 years ago.
How can I help you further?

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
3899 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.