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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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my boyfriend made a comment about my weight when he saw me

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my boyfriend made a comment about my weight when he saw me in pictures 11 years ago, I have gained some weight, but not a ton. I told him it hurt my feelings, but he thinks becuase I did not say anything I am not bothered by the fact I gained weight. I am so hurt and I hold him, but he has not acknowledged by feelings. What are good guidelines when we talk tonight
Good afternoon and welcome to Just Answer. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX opportunity to help you with your question. First off please allow me to say that I am truly sorry for the difficulty and pain that you've endured.

As for your question...I'd like that it was quite appropriate to seek guidance as to how to approach this with your boyfriend. The first thing I would suggest bringing up is the emotional impact and toll that the comment had on you. That even though it was made on reference to a picture from years ago that it can still be hurtful and that you would still be sensitive to such remarks. Another important thing to discuss is that the present comment has the potential to surface difficult and painful experiences from the past that even though you've worked through any problem or difficulties on relation to the past that it can still trigger past pain.

I would also bring to the discussion that it may be helpful to talk about the impact that words can have on us even if they're not stated or meant with any malicious intent.

I truly hope that I've been helpful in answering your question and I absolutely encourage and welcome any additional questions that you may have before accepting the answer and suggestions I've provided as I want to be certain that you're completely satisfied with your experience with both myself and the site in answering you thoroughly and in a timely manner. I look forward to any further thoughts you may have and as I mentioned please feel free to ask any further questions before clicking the accept button.

Thank you again for the opportunity to help you with your question during this difficult period.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I have told him about numerous big stressers in the past 10 years, 3 abominal operations, loss of job, loss of significant income and lifestyle that I used to enjoy with my corporate job and taking care of my elderly parents.

 

And that I exercise on a regular basis and eat right, and enjoy treats in moderation. I guess I will have to reiterate all that to him. I am the same weight as I was when we met, nothing significant has changed.

 

As you suggested I will tell him that his comments surfaces difficult and painful experiences over the past 11 years, most of which I have had NO control over.

 

Any additional comments are always welcome, thankyou,

Carol

 

 

Hello and thank you for the additional information as it's certainly helpful in understanding things better. In my impression I think that it sounds that it may be necessary for you to reiterate to him everything you mentioned. I also think that in so doing it will help to reinforce the impact that the comment had on you and to what extent it may still be having.

An important thing to keep in mind and keep in consideration that you're doing all the right things to care for yourself such as exercise, eating healthy, etc. I also believe that by expressing all of this to him demonstrates that you're proud of where you are and all the hard work that you've done to get there. My belief is such that by him hearing this it will also give him a greater degree of understanding and insight into the level of emotional strength that you possess.

I hope that helps answer your question further and if you should have any further questions please don't hesitate to ask. If you're satisfied with the answer and suggestions you can then accept the answer but please be sure that I've answered your question fully and to your satisfaction.

Thank you again for the chance to help you and I look forward to your response.
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