Thank you for requesting my help. I'm glad to be here for you.
I doubt the rest of your life will be like this. There are things you can do to reduce your fear and help you cope better.
Valium is a good drug to try but it might not be working for you. Have you tried other medications to help you manage your anxiety? Xanax, Klonopin, and Ativan are good medications to help reduce anxiety. Here is a link to help you with information about anti anxiety medication and how to find the right one for you:
Have you tried therapy? Therapy can provide support and someone you can turn to to help you cope with your fear. Find a therapist that has experience in grief and health issues. The links I gave you yesterday should have information on how to find someone in your area. If not, talk with your doctor about anyone he/she might know of.
Faith can be a comfort when facing a chronic illness. If you attend church, talk with your pastor. See if others in your church have a group or support staff that can help you. Praying, reading and other faith activities can help. And if you feel up to it, get more involved with your church. It can keep you busy and help remind you that God is there for you.
Grieving is an important part of facing a terminal illness. People who have to face a life altering illness go through stages of grief. Their lives are no longer the same. They cannot make plans and face the end of dreams they had for their futures. It is the hardest of all things to face. Grieving is hard and difficult. You should not do this alone. Try the support groups I recommend. You need others who understand how you feel. Also, here are some books to help you at home:
Dying: A Book of Comfort by Pat McNees
Suffering in Slow Motion: Help for Long Journey Through Dementia and Other Terminal Illness by Pamala Kennedy and Richard Kennedy
Peaceful Dying: The Step-by-step Guide To Preserving Your Dignity, Your Choice, And Your Inner Peace At The End Of Life by Daniel R. Tobin and XXXXX XXXXXndsey
When there Are No Words: Finding Your Way to Cope with Loss and Grief by Charlie Walton
Try Amazon.com to find these books or your local library may have them for you.
Also, you may want to talk to your doctor about hospice. It may be too early, but if you can get involved now you can benefit from the staff's understanding and care. Hospice cares for people who are ill through providing support emotionally, physically and spiritually.
And you are always welcome to talk to someone here on Just Answer. If you want to talk with me, I would be more than happy to be here for you. When you request me or any other expert, just put the name of the expert in front of your question so you can get the expert you want. We are here to help.
Let me know if I can help you further,
I have not heard about Biogentica. I did take a look at their site and it sounds like they treat a number of illnesses and diseases. If you feel their approach works for you, and it's ok with your doctor, then by all means use what they offer.
I understand. You are dealing with a chronic illness. Grief and strong feelings of wanting control are very common. Concentrating would be very difficult. But there is peace to be had in grieving. The stages are difficult to go through but the last stage is acceptance. You have not been able to get there yet, but you will.
It would help you to try some of the suggestions we talked about. If therapy did not work, it may have been because of the relationship you had with the therapist. A lot of people need to search a bit before they find someone they can work with. You switch doctors until you find someone you are happy with, and finding a therapist is the same way.
Try the books on tape if you feel you cannot concentrate. That way, you can work on other things while you listen. It helps keep you occupied so you don't have to try to focus.
And try the other anti depressants. It couldn't hurt to see if they would work for you. I'm not sure how that would work with the Biogentica, but your doctor can help with that.
Most of all, remember that what you are feeling is normal. The amount of stress you are under and the enormous weight on your shoulders from this illness is beyond difficult. You are coping the best you can. Keep trying, you will find something that helps.
Longevity with FTD can be any where from 2 years to up to 17 in some cases. Some people can have severe symptoms and some can have hardly any symptoms. Your case may be one of the mild ones since you have had the disease for over 5 years and you still are able to function. In which case, you can have a fuller life and expect more.
It is completely normal for you to feel the way you do. Feeling too depressed to continue would be normal as well. But you have two choices, you can let yourself feel this way or you can take a small step forward. As I mentioned, you may have a long time yet. How do you want to live out the rest of your life?
You want control and this disease has taken that away. But in the scope of things, you may have just as long left as anyone else. Someone who has a heart attack at 56 has less time than you. People die unexpectedly and expectedly. You may know what you probably will die from, but that does not mean you need to stop living. There is much you can do with the time you have left.
If you feel that you cannot cope at all and nothing anyone does or anything you do helps, consider talking to your doctor about inpatient treatment. Coping with your feelings of wanting to die is important. The doctors can try medications to help you with your depression and anxiety and the social workers can help you connect with those who can help you when you are released. It is a drastic step, but it is something you haven't tried and it may be necessary if you continue to feel bad.
If I may ask, what reason have you been in institutions before? This was before your diagnosis?
How did your marital situation affect you? You mentioned it made you sick. How so?
I hope you don't mind my asking, but I need to understand so I can help you better.
Working on letting go of your guilt may prove to be very helpful to you, emotionally and physically. It sounds like your husband has been willing to forgive you. Taking a look at what is preventing you from letting go of your guilt is the next step.
Do you feel you should not be forgiven? Many people who suffer from low self esteem feel that even if others forgive them, they are not worthy to be forgiven. Guilt has it's purpose, it is to let us know we have done something wrong. Once the wrong is repaired, the guilt should go away. When it does not, it continues to hurt you and those around you.
By holding onto guilt, you are telling your husband that his forgiveness of you is not valid. You are allowing a healthy emotion to become something unhealthy. And you are saying that you are a bad person, worthy of being punished.
By letting go of your guilt, you can be free of the harmful feelings and shame that comes with guilt. It can also affect you physically, making you feel better. Try remembering that you are forgiven and that everyone deserves to move on from a mistake. Make your husband's forgiveness valid by accepting it. Tell yourself that you are human, you made mistakes and now you are sorry. That is all that is required to let go and move on. You cannot change the past but you can change how you respond to it and make your future better.