How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been married for 12 years, I am in recovery sober 4

Customer Question

I have been married for 12 years, I am in recovery sober 4 years, never hit my wife or kids. Just drank alot and my wife threatend to leave. Well now she tries to control everything in my life and has gained 50 lbs. I have paid for liposuction, Lap band surgery, trainers and all kinds of health equipment. She also complains about our friends not inviting us over because I dont drink any more. She has been gon for 2 weeks on a trip with the kids and i really miss my kids but not her. I do try to be a spiritual person and love her unconditionally but my resentment to her voice and weight gain has damaged my desire for intimacy with her. She also doesnt seem to want sex unless she has been out drinking and then she comes home and has sex with me while she smells of booze. i guess i'm venting but i have been considering leaving if there were no kids i'd be gone.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

By working with others in recovery, her having sex when she has been drinking can be a huge trigger. That shows no respect for your recovery! Most wives would avoid just so their partners don't see it, smell it, or think about it. Being controlling is another very dangerous relationship problem. Control never brings about positive feelings or a healthy relationship. If you have not missed her that says something about your feelings. You should go to AlAnon or AA whichever will be helpful to you at this present time. It would give you support. This relationship seems to have a lot of problems including the fact that it may have become a negative force in your life. You have to consider what it is you want and it can't be based on children. Children survive broken homes all the time. I would say that you can both attend marriage counseling but you have to want to stay together. You shouldn't stay in any relationship out of obligation. You have to decide what is best for you and your sobriety

 

If this has been helpful press accept

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

OK so i will seek a professional therapist and go from there. I have never thought about the sex thing as a trigger but she has been asking me just how long i plan to stay sober. It is sad she wanted to leave when i was drinking but as i have gotten healthier she seems to want more control. My sponsor is a baptist and really beats me up about the seperation question saying that is not spiritual or right.

 

But i do deserve to be happy right ? If i start drinking again it could go really bad. Thank you for your answer ill click the pay button after your response.

 

Best wishes

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
Asking you how long you want to be sober is a huge red flag. Sometimes when people have partners who are drinking they have the upper hand. When the partner gets stable they try too hard to get the upper hand again. Don't let anyone especially a sponsor tell you what is spiritual. YOU make that decision and get a new sponsor. You absolutely deserve to be happy (especially since you have made a complete turn around). You deserve it more than a lot of people. Don't settle for what is easy. Don't drink. Instead find someone who deserves you sober! I think you are selling yourself short
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
psychlady and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions