Good evening. I would be more than happy to try and help answer your question and am online now. Let me know when you are back in the room and we can discuss this further. Thank you for the chance to help
hello sir. Would you mind very much if I asked a few questions to get a better understanding of the behavior?
I have to admit, using a chatroom w/ code names is weird for me, especially on this matter. Please ask your questions.
my name is Fadi
Fadi, thank you. My name is Todd
My son's name is Stephan
Im a trauma specialist and have worked with children with similar problems in the past
No problem. Pleasure to meet you Todd
When did Stephan start with this behavior?
I have to think back on this, but I bet it'd be clouded by assumptions. I believe around the age of 4 and a half
right after he was out of diapers, he went 2 to three months w/o doing this.
That's ok...rough estimate is fine.
Now, it's weeks w/o it happening
sometimes more than once a day
it completely varies
Can you think of any particualrly stressful events that may have taken place when it began?
1. the birth of his brother
either to him or something he may have witnessed?
2. going to preschool
nothing dramatically stressful of which I am aware
Thank you. How is he toward his brother?
kind, mean, etc.
depends - both really
for the most part, actually, very patient
I am new to the brother matter, being an only child.
ok. That's natural, normal behavior...even better than most children actually
so I have to ask my wife, parents, and friends
any problems in school?
how about behaviorally
at preschool, there were two bullies, but that did end
in kindergarten, no bullies
in first grade, there was another
one he trusted
mmmmm I see
but that relationship is long since severed
and you mentioned there's been no pattern of this behavior?
still, the behavior was there prior to the bullies
ok...did it worsen after the bullies?
the only pattern I originally thought was that he gets too interested in what he's doing (games, reading, watching movies), etc. and doesn't want to leave to use the toilet. As for the bullies, and the relationship to this happening more - nothing specific strikes me.
ok thank you. when he is into something does he present as intensely invested and engaged in the task?
very much so. He even get's a bit "glassy-eyed" from time to time.
I thought as much.
Thank you. One final question if you don't mind?
he is born to two folks who possibly could be labled "workaholics"
no problem...you and your wife being the workaholics?
we were. I can be from time to time. My wife is now a stay at home mom (bigger job than mine in most respects)
Understood. Thank you.
I work from home, so on my breaks, I am w/ the boys, but I work from 50-60 hours a week
Finally, does he ever complain of any pain in his private areas??
in fact, he rarely complains about physical discomfort
the last question was targeted toward potential of abuse and Im glad to hear of no pain noted
that part kind of bothers me, but then again, I am a wimp
my only note is that he has such a high threshold for pain, I don't know if he would complain.
that is what I fear, I suppose
No worries. You're a father....thats not an easy job
In all honesty he would complain but even more so act out aggresively
parenting isn't easy but rewarding. Good to know about the the issues w/ the possible abuse
I come from a family who do not believe in corporal punishment
I had a great childhood, so this is VERY new to me
I understand, I truly do
You are a dad too, I asuume
It actually sounds as the intense level of concentration is putting him into an emotional and psychological state where nothing else exists....only the task at hand, correct?
I hate to admit how well I understand that
I used to be....my ex had 3 daughters that were like my own...before we broke up
thank you for sharing that - it gives a comfort factor about your personal knowlege, beyond the clinical
That sounds to be the potential problem right there....that level of concentration and intensity...he may not even realize it's occurring or even occurred explaining why he continues to sit in it
No problem....felt it would helpful for you to know
My impression is such that there is no mental health history in the family....yours or your wifes? correct?
Oh there's tons of it all around us, and even my wife. She was horridly abused as a kid.
I have several family members (adults) who have psychological issues
three uncles and an aunt
has your son ever witnessed any type of violence within the family....not necessarily physical but verbal and emotional abuse....
and it didnt have to be toward him
thankfully, no. The worst, and I am abashed to state it, is us yelling at him. Granted, no one is perfect, but....
at this point the number 1 issue seems to be his degree of intensity
I've yelled when he's going into traffic, or after the thrid time in a day with the defecation.
or the like
Same with my wife
I have even picked him up and tossed him on his bed with a horrid glare more than once
and that he blocks everything else out...in adult terms it would be him dissociating to avoid a form of emotional pain...for children it's a form of escape
but then proceeded to talk with him
May I offer a few suggestions at this point if thats ok?
First and foremost is to speak with your wife about any form of yelling or arguing in front of him or at him as stress can contribute to him going into a "daze"
Second would be that there needs to be consistence and time spent with him as much as possible from you both.
Finally, I would STRONGLY urge you to consider the next two things...in fact I would urge you to do this
First and foremost would be to schedule an appointment for him to see his pediatrician to rule out any medical considerations that could be causing the defacation....
chances are there will be nothing physically going on. At that point you need to request a referral for him to be seen by a child therapist....specifically A SPECIALIST who only works with children as their presentations are very specific and very very different from adults
We have gone to a pediatrician a year and a half ago regarding any possible physical maters. From there, we have even worked with both propelene Glycol and psylium options. It's basically been rulled out. As for the threapist, I have placed a few calls, but locally, there aren't any noted specialists (not noted in the paper/phone book). But that is my next step. Before I went here, I left three messages to have therapists call me back.
Excellent,...and like I said...make certain that they only treat children
that I shall. If one doesn't make that his/her only process, I will ask to be directed to one who does.
My impression is that once he has an outlet and is able to speak about what causes his degree of intensity that he will start to improve
You are indeed welcome. Is there anything else I can answer for you or help with?
That is what I am hoping. He doesn't want to talk w/ us about it
My son is the reason I am here, and I thank you again.
You can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer and help I've provided. I really with you and your family well.
I shall accept. Please be well as well. Unless you know a few good typing classes you can send me to, I would state we are done.