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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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My child continues to shit his pants regardless of what he

Resolved Question:

My child continues to shit his pants regardless of what he is doing, or where his focus lies. He is seven years old and not only continues to do this, but sits in his waste until either his mother or I come to discuss the matter with him.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 2 years ago.

mindhealer :

Good evening. I would be more than happy to try and help answer your question and am online now. Let me know when you are back in the room and we can discuss this further. Thank you for the chance to help

Customer:

Mindhealer, hello.

mindhealer :

hello sir. Would you mind very much if I asked a few questions to get a better understanding of the behavior?

Customer:

I have to admit, using a chatroom w/ code names is weird for me, especially on this matter. Please ask your questions.

mindhealer :

my name is Fadi

Customer:

Fadi, thank you. My name is Todd

Customer:

My son's name is Stephan

mindhealer :

Im a trauma specialist and have worked with children with similar problems in the past

mindhealer :

No problem. Pleasure to meet you Todd

mindhealer :

When did Stephan start with this behavior?

mindhealer :

roughly

Customer:

I have to think back on this, but I bet it'd be clouded by assumptions. I believe around the age of 4 and a half

Customer:

right after he was out of diapers, he went 2 to three months w/o doing this.

mindhealer :

That's ok...rough estimate is fine.

Customer:

Now, it's weeks w/o it happening

Customer:

sometimes more than once a day

Customer:

it completely varies

mindhealer :

Can you think of any particualrly stressful events that may have taken place when it began?

Customer:

1. the birth of his brother

mindhealer :

either to him or something he may have witnessed?

Customer:

2. going to preschool

Customer:

nothing dramatically stressful of which I am aware

mindhealer :

Thank you. How is he toward his brother?

mindhealer :

kind, mean, etc.

Customer:

depends - both really

Customer:

for the most part, actually, very patient

Customer:

I am new to the brother matter, being an only child.

mindhealer :

ok. That's natural, normal behavior...even better than most children actually

Customer:

so I have to ask my wife, parents, and friends

mindhealer :

any problems in school?

Customer:

intellectually, no

mindhealer :

how about behaviorally

Customer:

at preschool, there were two bullies, but that did end

Customer:

in kindergarten, no bullies

Customer:

in first grade, there was another

Customer:

one he trusted

mindhealer :

mmmmm I see

Customer:

but that relationship is long since severed

mindhealer :

and you mentioned there's been no pattern of this behavior?

Customer:

still, the behavior was there prior to the bullies

mindhealer :

ok...did it worsen after the bullies?

Customer:

the only pattern I originally thought was that he gets too interested in what he's doing (games, reading, watching movies), etc. and doesn't want to leave to use the toilet. As for the bullies, and the relationship to this happening more - nothing specific strikes me.

mindhealer :

ok thank you. when he is into something does he present as intensely invested and engaged in the task?

Customer:

very much so. He even get's a bit "glassy-eyed" from time to time.

mindhealer :

I thought as much.

Customer:

"terribly focused"

mindhealer :

Thank you. One final question if you don't mind?

Customer:

he is born to two folks who possibly could be labled "workaholics"

Customer:

please asl

Customer:

ask...

Customer:

sorry

mindhealer :

no problem...you and your wife being the workaholics?

Customer:

we were. I can be from time to time. My wife is now a stay at home mom (bigger job than mine in most respects)

mindhealer :

Understood. Thank you.

Customer:

I work from home, so on my breaks, I am w/ the boys, but I work from 50-60 hours a week

mindhealer :

Finally, does he ever complain of any pain in his private areas??

mindhealer :

or discomfort

Customer:

Not once

mindhealer :

wonderful!!!

Customer:

in fact, he rarely complains about physical discomfort

mindhealer :

the last question was targeted toward potential of abuse and Im glad to hear of no pain noted

Customer:

that part kind of bothers me, but then again, I am a wimp

Customer:

thank you

Customer:

my only note is that he has such a high threshold for pain, I don't know if he would complain.

Customer:

that is what I fear, I suppose

mindhealer :

No worries. You're a father....thats not an easy job

mindhealer :

In all honesty he would complain but even more so act out aggresively

Customer:

parenting isn't easy but rewarding. Good to know about the the issues w/ the possible abuse

Customer:

I come from a family who do not believe in corporal punishment

Customer:

I had a great childhood, so this is VERY new to me

mindhealer :

I understand, I truly do

Customer:

You are a dad too, I asuume

Customer:

assume

mindhealer :

It actually sounds as the intense level of concentration is putting him into an emotional and psychological state where nothing else exists....only the task at hand, correct?

Customer:

I hate to admit how well I understand that

mindhealer :

I used to be....my ex had 3 daughters that were like my own...before we broke up

mindhealer :

But anyway

Customer:

thank you for sharing that - it gives a comfort factor about your personal knowlege, beyond the clinical

mindhealer :

That sounds to be the potential problem right there....that level of concentration and intensity...he may not even realize it's occurring or even occurred explaining why he continues to sit in it

mindhealer :

No problem....felt it would helpful for you to know

mindhealer :

My impression is such that there is no mental health history in the family....yours or your wifes? correct?

Customer:

Oh there's tons of it all around us, and even my wife. She was horridly abused as a kid.

Customer:

I have several family members (adults) who have psychological issues

Customer:

three uncles and an aunt

mindhealer :

has your son ever witnessed any type of violence within the family....not necessarily physical but verbal and emotional abuse....

mindhealer :

and it didnt have to be toward him

Customer:

thankfully, no. The worst, and I am abashed to state it, is us yelling at him. Granted, no one is perfect, but....

mindhealer :

no....I understand

mindhealer :

at this point the number 1 issue seems to be his degree of intensity

Customer:

I've yelled when he's going into traffic, or after the thrid time in a day with the defecation.

Customer:

or the like

Customer:

Same with my wife

Customer:

I have even picked him up and tossed him on his bed with a horrid glare more than once

mindhealer :

and that he blocks everything else out...in adult terms it would be him dissociating to avoid a form of emotional pain...for children it's a form of escape

Customer:

but then proceeded to talk with him

mindhealer :

May I offer a few suggestions at this point if thats ok?

Customer:

PLEASE!

mindhealer :

First and foremost is to speak with your wife about any form of yelling or arguing in front of him or at him as stress can contribute to him going into a "daze"

mindhealer :

Second would be that there needs to be consistence and time spent with him as much as possible from you both.

mindhealer :

Finally, I would STRONGLY urge you to consider the next two things...in fact I would urge you to do this

mindhealer :

First and foremost would be to schedule an appointment for him to see his pediatrician to rule out any medical considerations that could be causing the defacation....

mindhealer :

chances are there will be nothing physically going on. At that point you need to request a referral for him to be seen by a child therapist....specifically A SPECIALIST who only works with children as their presentations are very specific and very very different from adults

Customer:

We have gone to a pediatrician a year and a half ago regarding any possible physical maters. From there, we have even worked with both propelene Glycol and psylium options. It's basically been rulled out. As for the threapist, I have placed a few calls, but locally, there aren't any noted specialists (not noted in the paper/phone book). But that is my next step. Before I went here, I left three messages to have therapists call me back.

mindhealer :

Excellent,...and like I said...make certain that they only treat children

Customer:

that I shall. If one doesn't make that his/her only process, I will ask to be directed to one who does.

Customer:

Thank you!

mindhealer :

My impression is that once he has an outlet and is able to speak about what causes his degree of intensity that he will start to improve

mindhealer :

You are indeed welcome. Is there anything else I can answer for you or help with?

Customer:

That is what I am hoping. He doesn't want to talk w/ us about it

Customer:

My son is the reason I am here, and I thank you again.

mindhealer :

You can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer and help I've provided. I really with you and your family well.

mindhealer :

My pleasure

Customer:

I shall accept. Please be well as well. Unless you know a few good typing classes you can send me to, I would state we are done.

mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience: Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
mindhealer and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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