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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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Ive been dating my girlfriend for about 10 months. Everything

Customer Question

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 10 months. Everything started perfectly and it is still perfect. After some time we had the ex talk and she told me she has been with two guys but for a very short time. About 5 months ago she told me she slept with one more guy but didn't tell me who it was. After a while she told me who he was and she told me she didn't want to tell me since she thought I know him and also they had a pack to not tell anyone since that one was also for a short time. Overall she had sex about 10 times with all three guys together and I do believe her. Now a little about myself. I slept with 3 girls before my gf but there is twist to that. The first to girls where virgin and since I didn't want to push them to lose their virginity, which is kinda important in my culture, we didn't have vaginal sex and instead we had oral. The third girl was not virgin and I slept with her once. So overall I also didn't sleep any more than 10 times with all those 3 girls.

The problem right now is I can't get over her past even though it is not much but still I am having trouble letting go off it. I truly don't think she had something wrong on conscious level and even though I really progressed in my obsession with her past and I am more confortable with her past I am not completely over it. What should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
The answer to your question does not involve counseling or talking with friends. It involves being mature. Holding someone's past over their head is a sign of immaturity. You have a past and she is not letting that interfere with the current relationship. You forget that you were not a part of her past. So does that mean she should have sat at home all these years waiting for you? That would be ridiculous. As you mature in life then you will realize that everyone has a past and that dealing with the here and now is what is important. Not something she did years ago.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't say she should and I think that is absurd to say. On logical level I do accept all of these and I know them. And as I said I already knew that she had past relationships even when we started to dating and I was fine with it and never thought about it. But after 4 5 months that she told me there was also this other guy I caught into it. Maybe it was because first she didn't tell me who he was and I start thinking about anyone I knew and after she told me she had to go to a 3 months trip abroad which kinda left me alone with a lot of thoughts. Again I am not saying this to blame her because I don't think she did wrong. What I am really asking is how I should deal with this, because I don't want to lose her since she is the very first person that I love and care about this much.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
There is nothing to deal with. She voluntarily told you about this other guy. She trusted you enough to tell you this information even though she didn't have to. If you don't want to lose her then you don't make a big deal about it. The more you focus on this the more it looks like you are insecure. And being insecure is a big turn-off for a girl. So what you do is put this tid bit of knowledge you have to rest and be happy that you are with a great girl. Don't bring it up again.