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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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re the children Penny you answered me re 50 yr old leaving,

Resolved Question:

re the children Penny you answered me re 50 yr old leaving, why dont they show/share their feelings about him and how best do I help them without hurting them as Im upset., theyre getting to know the other woman as if its all normal.( husband wont talk to me ad refuses all meetings were now getting divorced)
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 2 years ago.

Hello, I want to thank you for working with me. I want you to know that I think you are a great mother because you think of your children's feelings before you think of your own. It is very normal for children of divorced parents to not want to share their feelings with one parent about the other. I think you raised good children and they do not want to talk in any negative way about their father. Children have a sense of loyalty to both parents and don't want to say anything negative about their father even if they know what he did was wrong. What you can do is avoid saying anything negative about their father even if you are tempted too. I know that is so hard. I understand and expect you to have so much anger at your ex husband and the other woman but the kids may not feel safe to express those feelings to you or their father. You can tell them that any time they need to talk about anything you are there for them. As for getting to know the other woman unfortunately they will get to know her if they choose that because they want a relationship with their father. I imagine that as they get older they will tell their father how they feel. I am sure right now being teens they tell their friends about those feelings. I think your kids do not want to upset you with details of how they feel. Maybe they can sense how much you are hurting and they want to protect you. I think the best thing you can do for your children is to take care of yourself and eventually find happiness. You deserve so much better than what you are getting. Keep your faith sometimes a better future is waiting for you. I have a feeling you will find someone much nicer than your ex husband in the future. I believe that this experience will make you stronger. Try to find an activity that you always wanted to do and your gave up to be a wife and mother. Think this is your time. Your kids are almost grown and it appears your did a good job because they are not falling apart by this.

Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 394
Experience: I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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