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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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Hi, iM 19 and have been constantly fighting with my parents.

Customer Question

Hi, i'M 19 and have been constantly fighting with my parents. i don't get along with my mam, never have. but it is something i have come to terms with. however recently i find that there is a steady friction between myself and both my parents as they dont approve of my boyfriend however, try as i may i cant comprehend this beacuse neither of my parents have ever met or talked to him and he makes me incredibly happy. but the arguing is taking its toll, and effecting our family i was beaten and abused by both parents and cant seem to find a way out. please help
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.

Brad The Therapist :

Thank you for your question. Please tell me more about your relationship with your parents. Do you currently live with them? What do you argue about regarding your boyfriend? What do they not approve of?

Customer:

yes i live with them, we argue alot my mam and i usually blame each other for what happens around the house and the little things taht go wrong. they dont like my boyfriend because they feel he has a bad influence on me

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Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
I believe you pressed the "accept" button by mistake. Please continue to respond through this Q&A forum so that I can provide suggestions.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
they feel my attitude has changed but personally i think i have gotten clser to both my sisters. yet my mam and dad seem to be psuhing me away
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
what do you think is the change in attitude? What is your parent's opinion about the "bad influence?"
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

They think he has but really i just feel i've learned to stand up for myself. now when mam argues with me i argue back i have never done that up until recently.

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Good for you for standing up for your principles. You stated that you were abused by your parents. Is that correct? Do they still physically abuse you? If not when did this stop?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes both do, though my mam stopped a few years ago my dad seems to see violence as the only answer. they get really upset with me but i dont see what i do wrong. i will admit i have a raging temper sometimes but it is only ever when they upset me. my mam doesnt tallk to me but when she does it is to shout abuse at me they make me out to be a horrible person but i am the only one who can convince myself other wise. i've worked since i was 16 put myslef through school i have never been in trouble with the gaurds and my parents often speak very highly of me but behind closed doors its a constant battle. i feel like i dont want them in my life anymore they are the only thing that is bringing me down things got so bad a a couple of months ago i tried to kill myself my mams answer was "its a pity you didnt succeed"
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Based on your responses, I can definitely sense your current pain. May I ask what ethnicity you would describe yourself as? Also, where are you writing from?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well im the average irish girl desperate to go to college to study media i love writting and get on great with people always try to see the positive side to things, enjopys agood debate on politics and am only happy when im on the go and working. i might also add that i fell short of leaving cert points lst year and had to repeat and it really really effected me my attitude towards life and determination that i had was definitly hindered but i have tried to over come that. im writing form wexford
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Great! So you have many talents! What would you like to accomplish after you are done with school? Have you considered writing your thoughts and feelings towards your parents in journal or writing a story based on your experience?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i have done all that and more.. but it doesn't stop the arguing with my mam is going on for as long as i can remember. we might talk it over and apolpogise but a few weeks later it will be back to square one. i want to do journalism. i just dont feel like i can be around them anymore they only have negative things to say about me and really bring me down ii've done everything i can to change that but any stress or problems they have i feel that they take it out on me i phsically and mentally cant cope with the pressure they are putting me under.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
will i be waiting much longer for your reply
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Have you thought of a plan so that you can move out? May be finding an apartment with roommates?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes i have and am thinking very strongly about that decision i think it would greatly help both myself and my parents maybe time apart is what is needed.
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Great! I urge you to set a goal of when you will be moving out? By having a date set, you will be able to tolerate your parents for the time being.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

do you think moving in with my boyfriend would make things worse?

 

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
It may make things worse....but without considering your parents for a second, do you feel you and your boyfriend are ready to take this step?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
we've been together two years he is my best friend and we've been through everything together right now he is all i have ...
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
You feel that you and your boyfriend are ready for the next step, then. If that is the case, how would your parents react to this?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
not good but when i asked could i stay at his house the other night i ended up in bed for two days with concussion and bruises to my face
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Do you think you can call the police when this happens? This is assault.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
they're my parents. I dont want to cause more trouble than i already have they said i deserved it . maybe I did ?
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
No one deserves to be beaten up. I encourage you to contact police or to go to a domestic violence shelter if you suffered bruises, concussions, etc. This is not a safe environment for you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ok thank you
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
I wish you the best of luck!