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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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last Autumn my husband (50) asked me if he had a personality.he

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last Autumn my husband (50) asked me if he had a personality.he then went on to start a physical relationship outside the marriage and left in March 2011. Since then he has been threatening,even to ''divorce me if I didnt get on with it'' & hes the adulterer so thats already in hand) full of his own importance,inconsiderate and abusive. I fear for his mental health. He has had violent rages out of nowhere in the past.
Im in a bad state as I feel so betrayed by him and now my 2 teeangers have both met and stayed in the 'other womans ' house where their dad ran away to, knowing Id be really upset by this . theyre 18 & 14. its a mess.
I worry about ;-
his mindset
my teens not showing any signs that theyre upset that dad left & hurt me so bad
how I get through past all this wothout hurting my kids as I dont want this woman in my families life

Thanks for asking JA. I am sorry about your husband leaving after so many years of marriage and putting you through so much pain. The first thing to do after a breakup is to get rid of the memory. There are quite a few things considered ‘remnants' of your romance, including photographs, cutesy trinkets, souvenirs, clothing, and even meals. After a separation, particularly if the couples have youngsters together, it can be challenging to remove many of these things out of your home. Thankfully that's not some tips i am suggesting that you conduct. Rather, fill a package with whatever stuff you feel is going to be necessary at some point in amount of time in the long run but nevertheless remind you strongly of your ex, after which put that box in a personal location for the long time. You'll encounter plenty of reminders over a day-to-day basis of his or her just because of the way the human mind works. You won't require additional aid to increase energy for the separation gauge.

Talk to your friends.
You desire individuals you deal with who accept you and who can assist you to feel good about yourself. Encircling yourself along with loving, encouraging relatives and buddies will help you see yourself as a beneficial man or woman, and you'll believe it is easier to obtain steady on your own feet once again together with your loved ones near you inside a comforting net. But be skeptical of friends attempting to connect you with another person at this time, this is not what you need to do after a breakup.

Take Care of Yourself.
Most people's fundamental needs are identical: food, sleep and protection from the elements in short shelter. Throughout a particularly challenging separation, a lot of people are unable to manage even these simple tasks - which is understandable, however, not acceptable for a life after a breakup.

Discover contentment in other aspects in your life.
If that means getting together with your friends and family, becoming a member of that training you've always aspired to acquire, or reading every book on the world's top seller list, remind yourself that your relationship is but one portion of life, but even when you will be in one, there are personal treats that one could always enjoy by yourself. Have pleasure in those things now. As the saying goes, the best revenge is living perfectly. Shout to the world that you love being single, eventually you will mean it.

Try to move on
Understand that there is no advantage in holding on to heartache, regret, and personal anger toward your ex husband. Realize that even though it is over, your romance with him was special and special in many ways. You'll be able to congratulate yourself for being courageous enough to consider a risk and just fall in love, and motivate your heart that even though love failed out this time, there will be a next time. Try not to think about him, don't allow frustration obtain the best of you.

As for the other woman you have the right to tell your ex husband that you don't want your kids to stay in her home overnight. You may ask for what you want but I am not sure that you will get that. It is truth that she does not share your values but you can talk to your children about your own values. Be careful to not put your children in the middle of this.

I would also suggest that you see a therapist to help you through the grief of the loss of your relationship.



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