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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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Dating a gal that I am starting to suspect may have Hitrionic

Resolved Question:

Dating a gal that I am starting to suspect may have Hitrionic personality disorder. She tells me that there will never be a realtionship, but yet her actions say different? We talk about the future some and things we would like to do, but yet I am confused with the back and forth? The chemistry is intense, wich she has admitted, can you give me some insight on how to deal with this? Should I hang in there and see what happends, or should I run.....
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.

Dr.Kappler :

A true histrionic will create drama just to be noticed. Your girlfriend is just keeping you guessing. Your best approach is to be affectionate, attentive and supportive. Being a good listener also helps. Remember its not what she says it is what she does that makes the difference. A little patience on your part will pay off in the end. Just don't be too demanding and let her take the relationship on her own speed.

Customer:

Wich is exactly what I am doing. Is the hurtful comments that have been said to me a defense mechanism? She is going through a divorce right now, and I think that she is being very protective of her feelings and emotions(walls have been built), But I do see a very good person in her.

Customer:

Are histrionics cheaters? She swears that she has never been that way...she has told me that when she is with someone that she has always been faithful, and I do believe that.

Dr.Kappler :

Let her know she is doing the right thing and tell her you are giving her time to process the feelings from the divorce. She will see that you respect her and where she is coming from.

Customer:

OK....thanks....because as crazy as this may sound? I can see us having a promising relationship. It's just been challenging to deal with the hard comments. The behavior isn't a big deal with me, I realized right away that the behavior was attention seeking, in part due to the lack of attention she recieved in her marriage.

Dr.Kappler :

If you are kind and understanding at her time of crisis and a good listener to all she has to say about the divorce she will be emotionally indebted to you.

Customer:

OK, thanks Doc, I appreciate your input

Dr.Kappler :

Anytime

Customer:

Is there anything else that you can tell me that will help in the relationship building process?

Dr.Kappler :

The most important thing is to be a good empathetic listener. Second is to have a positive attitude and third is to be able to make her laugh. Those are the things all women want in a relationship.

Customer:

Laughing.....all of wich I have been doing with her, especially the laughing, seems like she really needs that

Dr.Kappler :

Yes being able to see the funny side of the tragedy she is going through is important. The other issue is not to substitute your relationship for the one she is getting out of but to talk to her about her regrets and what she would have done differently. This helps in establishing closure on the previous relationship for her.

Customer:

OK...good point to keep in mind, especially now that I have came into the picture, I have noticed more of a tempo to get this divorce over and she is really starting to push the issue more so now, wich I take as a good sign, because it does seem to me like she is wanting closure and to move on?

Dr.Kappler :

Yes support the closure through regrets and doing things differently. She will love you for it.

Customer:

Sounds good, thanks, XXXXX XXXXX given me a little better perspective on things, if I have any other questions I will look you up again.

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