Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I read your question carefully. No, I do not think that you are being emotionally oversensitive. Rather, I see that your husband has much unfinished business in his life, especially concerning women.
He is angry, possibly not even all that conscious of it...and it is being projected and displaced onto you. His frustration about his life, his aging process and his future have made their way into your life as bitterness and emotional abuse.
Yes, he is emotionally abusive, as this type of behavior is not rooted simply in depression, frustration or difficulty. This is a long standing pattern in his life than probably began long ago with his own family. And, based on how he is with his mother, probably starting there. He strikes me as someone who was controlled, and that as a result his life was filled with feelings of vulnerability and being out of control.
Now, as an adult, he is truly out of touch with himself, is operating in a self centered manner, and is self destructive toward your relationship,
There is hope, but it will begin with you, understanding your role in all of this as he is using you to push out his feelings and you are being victimized. To help: I would like you to consider obtaining a resource: It is: The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel
This book will give you insight into what is happening with you and your husband as well as ways for you to minimize his destructive behavior. It will also give you ways to talk with him about the abuse and to encourage him to reconsider his behavior.
I also would, if you can, encourage you to see a professional for support as you are the victim in all of this. True, he needs to change and right now he is in denial. But, you too need support and unbiased attention and a caring professional would be very helpful to you. Steven