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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband started moving out last week and sent me a question

Customer Question

My husband started moving out last week and sent me a question asking if I wanted him to take only the mattresses in the guest room or the entire bedroom suite. Alot of his comment still refer to decision "we" made etc. Yesterday, he sent me a text to download a specific album from Itunes. Do you think he was trying to talk to me through music? Last night I returned a call to him from Saturday and it went straight to voicemail. However, he quickly sent me a text instead of calling and stated "I just missed your call was cleaning up after soccer." So, I didn't respond thinking he would call back in a bit." Soon after that he sent me another message saying "hello?" I just said call when you get a chance and then he replied "I'm beat, should have played soccer in the heat." Too me that was him avoiding talking to me at that time. He has never not taken my call or if he didn't answer would immediately call me back. I feel he was probably somewhere that he didn't want to have a phone conversation.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. So I am not sure what it is you are asking. Are you wondering why now he isn't responding when he always did before?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see you are offline now. I'll respond to what I think you are asking but please add what you would like to this chat if there is something else that you are wanting to ask.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Oh, hi, you're online --- good!

JACUSTOMER-ac2vs5cr- :

1) Why would he send a request for me to purchase and download an album off of iTunes?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Who knows? I don't know him and I don't have a crystal ball. Is there something about him that you know that makes you think that he would do that?

JACUSTOMER-ac2vs5cr- :

2) Before I kicked him out of our home he had told me that he wanted a divorce. Now, that we have basically been separated 6 weeks, he hasn't filed for divorce and when I ask him about it he states "not thinking about that right now." So, I feel like he is dragging his feet to see if he can convience the married women that I feel he is persuing to leave her husband. Of course he denies or I would file for divorce myself.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

What was the specific album? Maybe if we look at that we may know better what this means.

JACUSTOMER-ac2vs5cr- :

"In Rainbows" by Radiohead

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Does that mean anything to him?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Why can't you file for divorce anyway, if that's what you want to do?

JACUSTOMER-ac2vs5cr- :

I looked at the lyrics last night and it give conflicting messages as he is doing. He loves all kinds of music and had never mentioned this to me prior to yesterday. However, some of the songs are "All I need" I'm going to hold his feet to the fire because he pursed me so heavily to marry him and if he is going to bail then I want his true colors to show - this would be an easy out for him and just not going to do it.

JACUSTOMER-ac2vs5cr- :

As far as not taking my call, I feel that he was probably somewhere it didn't want to have a phone conversation. Or if had been intimate with someone, he didn't want to hear my voice because of his guilt.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Good, don't give him an out. Let him struggle with the mess he is creating.

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